Little Bit About Me

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First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.

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CAUTION

All writing in this blog is unedited and 100% from what I am feeling at the time. By continuing to read it means that you will take my vents with a grain of salt. You will choose to not take offense. And most of all, if you know me in real life you will either choose to stop reading or keep the knowledge of this blog quiet, and privately allow me to know you are reading. I only share this information with close friends. I do not share this with facebook for a purpose: it is meant to be semi-private. Not "public" knowledge in the sense of the majority of those in real life knowing about it. If you can accept all that has been stated, sit back, grab a box of tissues, and be prepared to endure the rocky road of trying to conceive while trying to get out of the shadows of infertility.

If you have any private questions or concerns you may contact me at mynotesonttc at gmail.com



♥

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Update on 50 in 2015



1) Get under pre-pregnancy weight (192...currently 212.8  fat, so that means I need to lose 20.8 lbs  22+ lbs, haven't stepped on the scale recently.)
2) Finish reading the bible (so I can say I have read every book in the Bible) (so I can walk closer to God)
3) Go to the zoo  We took Matthew this summer and he LOVED the tigers.
4) Go to Boulder Ridge
5) Spend a night with James, away from Matthew (Any volunteers to baby-sit?)
6) Read 10 books for fun. So far I have read 8: Divergent, Insurgent, Alligance, Eragon, Eldest, Inheritance, Brisingr, This Present Darkness, The Circle Maker, Every Bitter Thing is Sweet, Piercing the Darkness, all 12 Left Behind books, working on Crazy Love and about to start Jen Hatmaker's For the Love
7) Have a plan for when I will start nursing school back up. I started this Fall! Eeek.
8) Have all 3 credit cards paid off
9) Be 100% caught up on behind bills from my knee/life.
10) Put downpayment on a cruise for March 2016 with my family (including my sisters, mom, and possibly others! <<   We decided that this one was not practicle for us where we are in life right now. :-( Bummer! But we went to the aquarium together and this weekend we are going to spend the night in a hotel and do something fun together.
11) Pay off all of my medical bills from my Knee
12) Make a business plan for James...for his produce business.
13) Get Matthew into his own room. 
14) Organize our basement
15) Get the shelves hung up in our bathrooms James finally did this, minus the one for downstairs but I am counting this as a win!
16) Get prices for re-doing our Kitchen and Living Room 
17) Organize our office
18) Clean up the garage
19) Work on keeping the house clean on a regular basis (I now have an actual chore list for the week, sadly, I am a terrible housekeeper, and my husband is just messy)
20) Take Matthew to see a movie at the movie theater  We went to see Inside Out, it was super cute!
21) Take Matthew swimming When we went to the hotel before the aquarium Matthew went swimming and was having a blast, a little unsure of it but enjoyed it just the same, we also went to Lake Michigan and he was definitely unsure of the waves!
22) Take a trip to Frankenmuth/Birch Run
23) Go camping at least one weekend.
24) Go to Catch Air with Matthew 
25) Have a thousand dollars in an emergency fund.
26) Have a month's worth of money in an emergency fund
27) Get pregnant with a healthy sticky baby OR have an appointment set up with Kwak-Kim
28) Go on 12 date nights with James  I have went on 2! This has went on the wayside, sadly. Still at only 2 I believe.
29) Take a weekend trip to either Chicago or Washington DC - I think this might be a next year goal as well, it is getting to be busy season for James and with school starting back up it is not ideal.
30) Purchase set of essential oils
31) Make a prayer picture book for Matthew.
32) Attend a small group on a regular basis.  I started to go to my women's small group on a regular weekly basis and then it ended for the summer. I am starting a prayer small group! I am a little anxious but excited about it.  I failed at my own small group, but am very excited for small group to start up next month.
33) Blog at least 4x a month (that = 48 posts in 2015) So far I have posted 34 times but it is random and sporadic and not all are spread out to once a week.
34) Go out for a girl's night out.
35) Go to one of those canvas panting places.
36) Give up McDonald's for at least a month (though I would be okay with water, ice cream, and coffee from here ;-) haha)
37) Host 6 game nights with friends and/or family.
38) Have family photos taken this summer or fall.
39) Look more closely at foster care classes and their guidelines
40) Fence in our backyard
41) Have 5 bonfires  1 - James, Matthew and I had one bonfire with just the three of us. 2 - We went to a bonfire at Jenny's
42) Have a swing set or other play thing in the backyard for Matthew.  Mom and my sisters went in on a swing set for Matthew, he loves it!
43) Run or walk a 5K
44) Order wedding photos (Finally!...we have been married for 5 years already...)
45) Go to a shooting range with James
46) Have the money for James to purchase the rifle he wants.
47) Tithe on a regular basis (feel like this should be closer to the top!)
48) Swimming lessons for Matthew
49) Build a cube organizer for Matthew's room
50) Organize all the closets (there are 4 in our house)

So far 9 are completed, and I have progress on 3 that seem obtainable.

A lot of these dreams that include finances will not be able to be realized this year, but that is okay. This is where we are financially, even if it is sucky. This week I was reminded how rich we truly are, even though we feel ridiculously broke all the time. Tithing really needs to happen, I keep not making it a priority and I think our lives show it right now. It is the one thing that God says test me on in the Bible. At this point I would be supper happy if we made 25 of these in 2015. Cannot wait to see what the rest of the year and 2016 bring! 

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

A Moment of Disbelief

So I haven't been doing so great lately (horrid actually) at praying, reading Bible, and having a conversation all day with God. I am tired of feeling so disheartened and separated from Him. There I was doing dishes, listening to a podcast by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

It was on really knowing Jesus. I felt overcome by the holiness, goodness, and mercy of Him. Tears began to stream from my eyes. God bumps formed on my arms. And suddenly I noticed the front of my shirt was wet.

My milk had let down. Something that hasn't happened since Matthew was a newborn. Granted I had a day of a barely there faint test and now nothing...leaving me wondering if I had been pregnant or if it had been a fluke. But for my milk to let down?

I stood there in disbelief staring at the 50 cent piece spot on my left breast and nickel sized spot on my right. Praising Jesus made my milk let down? What did that mean? All I could do was shake my head a little bit. Because seriously, what in the world do I make of such a thing? Maybe a promise of another baby some day? That's what I am hoping. ♡