Do you like the new design? I did steal the background and downloaded a header and personalized it. But I LOVE it! I am hoping to be adding some more slowly but surely, as well as starting a family blog for my friends and family that I do not want to share all of this crazy personal TTC info with.
This blog will remain my favorite, because I cannot imagine life without all of you. You give me hope, remind me of times past, help me heal, and allow me to fully grieve everything infertility and loss related. You are true friends that I wish I could meet face to face and allow my shoulder for you to cry on.
A lot of the times you are more understanding and loving than those in my "real" life (you know what I mean, right?). I am SO incredibly BLESSED and THANKFUL to have you in my life.
We have a couple of friends that know our journey, they have a son together, and once worried about not being able to get pregnant. They should be able to empathize and such. But they don't. We have tried to get together with them but it never works out, and it is ALWAYS us calling them. I am ready to give up on the friendship. I cried, and cried, when I finally came to this point. Because honestly, we kind of think the reason they are avoiding us is because she may be pregnant again. And that my friends, is not a friend at all, a friend would sensitively break it to you. She would know my heart, and know that we will be happy for them, but sad for us (and jealous as all get out to be honest...).
We have another couple of friends that have been amazing to have. She personally has been through infertility and loss. She cries with me. And dreams with me. And gives me hope. When she is pregnant again, she will be one I will be able to cry with on her shoulder if need be. She will handle our friendship with care. And her husband is SO good for James. He is a strong believer in God, and helps James to verbalize and think about how the emotions of men and women are different many times when it comes to ttc and infertility.
Then their are single friends that like to ignore the elephant in the room, their are single friends that like to occasionally ask how things are going, a couple that asks how things are going once in a blue moon...but asks GOOD questions so she can know how to talk about things and be educated with her clients, and there are friends and family that listen to me more than they want to, but do so without making me feel even more small and broken.
We are blessed by them and by you! I am in the tww, about 5dpo give or take. I have had some sharp cramping off and on my lower right abdomen...which amazingly is right where my uterus is located. I now know when I feel ovulation from left, or when I feel cramping at this point on that side to just relax and know this month isn't it. But this month? I am hopeful, but know that it is ENTIRELY up to God. It doesn't matter when we have sex, or how many times, or what lube we use. If God wants us to get pregnant, it will happen.
I got to this point by it dawning on me...we got pregnant 2 months in a row in 2010. With one fallopian tube. Take that statistics! I have a BIG God that can make me ovulate 2 months in a row from the same side, and allow ONE incident of sex without a condom produce a little bean. I am leaning on God. He may lead me towards IUI, but as of right now...I am depending on my ultimate physician to guide the sperm and allow the conception to happen in a safe place of my uterus.
James and I did talk about adopting embryos. And I really feel this is something God would bless in the future, not at this point in time...but the future. And I have educated so many friends this past week about it. I really wouldn't be surprised if in the future they will adopt one this way if unable to conceive a child naturally.
Anyways, you know what I am going to say...Homework is calling! And so is sleep! May the best one win ;-)
Edit: OH MY GOODNESS. I told myself I would stop getting excited about looking at expected due dates on CTP, but guess what my due date would be approximately if we got pregnant this cycle? My BIRTHDAY. 11/16/2012 Would that not be amazing. To have a baby due 2 years after my first pregnancy and loss. On my 25th birthday. Ok, done dreaming. God knows if it will happen or not. ♥
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
Showing posts with label thankfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thankfulness. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Love is Fragile
I'll admit, I was a person that had decided any movie with Miley Cirus in it was not worth watching. Tonight, we signed out for netflix (free month trial!) and James chose for us to watch "Last Song" and let me tell you, it was a darn good movie. It had me laughing and crying, James may have even shed a tear once.
There is a LOT of kissing between the Ronnie (Miley) and her boyfriend Will in the movie, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't approve if she was my daughter, just saying...Yet, looking past that you will find a good plot line. A chick flick. I loved how the dad at one time talks about how love is fragile and not perfect, the mom says we love, we mess up, we forgive, and we move on. And I think that is the truth. Love is messy, it isn't perfect by any means. It's like breaking a glass window, if you aren't taking care to care for it, eventually the little pecks will spread and the glass will shatter. If something big comes along and crashes through it, you can always pick up the pieces, but it will never be the same. Love changes over time. We learn to love differently.
What if the world realized this? That love isn't what is portrayed in movies with hot sticky bodies kissing, or perfect walks on a moonlit beach. That love means being there when a person is sick. Suffering through a loss together. Bickering about whose turn it is to do the dishes, clean the cat pan, and take out the trash. Love isn't perfect, and neither is life. We just need to learn to guard our hearts. To continue to patch up any little pecks that come along in the glass, so one day it doesn't shatter into little pieces that cannot be put together.
Am I babbling? maybe, I'm a little sleepy. But what I am trying to say is sometimes love is tough, it's not perfect, it is for better or worse. And I'm blessed to have a man to stand by my side. Who loves me. Who cares enough to learn to love me in different ways when we change. We are not perfect. We forget to take time for just us. Life happens, and then we cling to what we know. I will continue to pray that we will always cling to each other and to God. Because just as love is fragile, so is life. Anything can happen along the way, but thankfully I know where I am going. Even though I'm not perfect, and do not deserve the grace that is extended to me.
What about you? Think about it.
♥ Jess
There is a LOT of kissing between the Ronnie (Miley) and her boyfriend Will in the movie, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't approve if she was my daughter, just saying...Yet, looking past that you will find a good plot line. A chick flick. I loved how the dad at one time talks about how love is fragile and not perfect, the mom says we love, we mess up, we forgive, and we move on. And I think that is the truth. Love is messy, it isn't perfect by any means. It's like breaking a glass window, if you aren't taking care to care for it, eventually the little pecks will spread and the glass will shatter. If something big comes along and crashes through it, you can always pick up the pieces, but it will never be the same. Love changes over time. We learn to love differently.
What if the world realized this? That love isn't what is portrayed in movies with hot sticky bodies kissing, or perfect walks on a moonlit beach. That love means being there when a person is sick. Suffering through a loss together. Bickering about whose turn it is to do the dishes, clean the cat pan, and take out the trash. Love isn't perfect, and neither is life. We just need to learn to guard our hearts. To continue to patch up any little pecks that come along in the glass, so one day it doesn't shatter into little pieces that cannot be put together.
Am I babbling? maybe, I'm a little sleepy. But what I am trying to say is sometimes love is tough, it's not perfect, it is for better or worse. And I'm blessed to have a man to stand by my side. Who loves me. Who cares enough to learn to love me in different ways when we change. We are not perfect. We forget to take time for just us. Life happens, and then we cling to what we know. I will continue to pray that we will always cling to each other and to God. Because just as love is fragile, so is life. Anything can happen along the way, but thankfully I know where I am going. Even though I'm not perfect, and do not deserve the grace that is extended to me.
What about you? Think about it.
♥ Jess
Thursday, May 26, 2011
My Hundreth Post
I feel like I'm an elementary student on the hundredth day of school. Feel like I should post 100 facts or 100 things I'm thankful for...so I think I might try. =)
My List of Thankfulness.
I'm thankful for...
1. Jesus Christ
2. That He died for my sins.
3. That He has forgotten my sin.
4. That I can experience freedom in Christ.
5. the fact that Jesus was there for me, even when I didn't believe.
6. my life
7. That I should have died in my semi-car accident, and I lived!
8. That my friends survived the crash too.
9. That James can put up with my hormonalness
10. That he tries his best to understand & be there for me in my hurting.
11. the fact that I have 2 babies I will get to see in Heaven.
12. our hot water
13. our home!
14. My best friend Jennifer
15. For my friends that listen to my random ramblings and ventings
16. tissues.
17. the internet that we now have (it's pretty fast!)
18. my job.
19. James's job
20. Jack Jack, he warms my heart.
21. all the storage place we have in our home.
22. Christian radio stations, such as 99.7, 91.3, and 88.1
23. this comfy couch that I'm sitting on
24 the good deal I got on scrubs
25 good doctors in the US
26 health insurance!
27. our cats not needing to be on special diet food also (Jack has allergies...)
28. Mr. Macqueen selling me my first Bible
29. "Wild at Heart" it helped me understand James
30. "Power of a Praying Wife" It gave me WONDERFUL things to pray about
31. the power of prayer
32. the ability to read
33. the ability to write
34. the ability to see
35. the ability to smell
37. the ability to love unconditionally
38. little love letters from James
39. residents that tell me what a good CNA I am. They make me smile.
40. my smile.
41. the ability to smile through pain
42. the ability to cling to God even through pain
43. the washing machine mom gave us!
44. Our cars
45. the fact that our little white car is still kicking it, long after it was supposed to die.
46. my new tennis shoes!
47...the fact that because of them my back hurts less
48. for the thread I talk to other women about ttc post loss.
49. some of the amazing blogs that I get to read!
50. that I'm half way through this list.
51. our vacuum that does a wonderful job cleaning up Jack Jack hair.
52. the ability to walk!
53. my family *as crazy as they are*
54. the wonderful smell of my new lemon vanilla body spray *though sad to find out Bath & Body discontinued it...*
55. the fact that twisted peppermint is a seasonal scent that I can replenish my supply every year.
56. the fact that I'm Christ's Bride.
57. That Christ knows the children James & I will have.
58. that we are faithfully going through with foster parenting.
59. that my nephew only has to wear his cast for broken femur for 4 weeks.
60. that even though I struggle with forgiveness at times, God still helps me to forgive the ones that I don't want to forgive.
61. that God has provided for me.
62. that God teaches people
63. ...especially thankful for when he allows me to see spiritual growth & maturity in people that have caused me hurt.
64. the ability to go to school
65. soft blankets
66. the smell of fresh cut grass
67. being able to live in the country
68. the smell of beautiful flowers
69. how cute all little babies are, be it human or other animal
70. knowledge
71. wisdom
72. compassion
73. words of kindness
74. BATHS!
75. running water
76. toilets, the fact that I don't have to dig a hole to go poo.
77. roller coaster rides...love the adrenaline it gives!
78. ice cream on a hot summer day
79. ice!
80. clean drinking water
81. our fridge, stove, and microwave.
82. God giving me the ability to play the clarinet
83. the love of music that lifts up my soul.
84. nap time!
85. online banking
86.time with friends
87. our church
88. the joy that little children carry with them (how much they make my heart smile)
89. How Hannah used to say, Grapes "gwapes"
90. the ability to keep my mouth shut when I am fuming with anger & bitterness.
91. our Bibles! How we can learn so much about God through them
92. Breezy summer days.
93. How beautiful snowflakes are.
94. Swings in the park
95. being able to be simplistically enthralled by life.
96. for electricity
97. for gas stations
98. for grocery stores.
99. My husband that is an amazing provider & lover of my heart, soul, mind & body!
100. the thought that we will one day have children together. That he is the one that brought up foster parenting.
I am thankful, and trying to remind myself of it. There are times I still feel afflicted and angered by other people's words. I'm thankful for this as an outlet. I'm thankful for friends that apologize. And for being able to apologize.
I am thankful for a comfy bed, that I am now going to snuggle into because I am tired. Nap time!
♥ Jessica
My List of Thankfulness.
I'm thankful for...
1. Jesus Christ
2. That He died for my sins.
3. That He has forgotten my sin.
4. That I can experience freedom in Christ.
5. the fact that Jesus was there for me, even when I didn't believe.
6. my life
7. That I should have died in my semi-car accident, and I lived!
8. That my friends survived the crash too.
9. That James can put up with my hormonalness
10. That he tries his best to understand & be there for me in my hurting.
11. the fact that I have 2 babies I will get to see in Heaven.
12. our hot water
13. our home!
14. My best friend Jennifer
15. For my friends that listen to my random ramblings and ventings
16. tissues.
17. the internet that we now have (it's pretty fast!)
18. my job.
19. James's job
20. Jack Jack, he warms my heart.
21. all the storage place we have in our home.
22. Christian radio stations, such as 99.7, 91.3, and 88.1
23. this comfy couch that I'm sitting on
24 the good deal I got on scrubs
25 good doctors in the US
26 health insurance!
27. our cats not needing to be on special diet food also (Jack has allergies...)
28. Mr. Macqueen selling me my first Bible
29. "Wild at Heart" it helped me understand James
30. "Power of a Praying Wife" It gave me WONDERFUL things to pray about
31. the power of prayer
32. the ability to read
33. the ability to write
34. the ability to see
35. the ability to smell
37. the ability to love unconditionally
38. little love letters from James
39. residents that tell me what a good CNA I am. They make me smile.
40. my smile.
41. the ability to smile through pain
42. the ability to cling to God even through pain
43. the washing machine mom gave us!
44. Our cars
45. the fact that our little white car is still kicking it, long after it was supposed to die.
46. my new tennis shoes!
47...the fact that because of them my back hurts less
48. for the thread I talk to other women about ttc post loss.
49. some of the amazing blogs that I get to read!
50. that I'm half way through this list.
51. our vacuum that does a wonderful job cleaning up Jack Jack hair.
52. the ability to walk!
53. my family *as crazy as they are*
54. the wonderful smell of my new lemon vanilla body spray *though sad to find out Bath & Body discontinued it...*
55. the fact that twisted peppermint is a seasonal scent that I can replenish my supply every year.
56. the fact that I'm Christ's Bride.
57. That Christ knows the children James & I will have.
58. that we are faithfully going through with foster parenting.
59. that my nephew only has to wear his cast for broken femur for 4 weeks.
60. that even though I struggle with forgiveness at times, God still helps me to forgive the ones that I don't want to forgive.
61. that God has provided for me.
62. that God teaches people
63. ...especially thankful for when he allows me to see spiritual growth & maturity in people that have caused me hurt.
64. the ability to go to school
65. soft blankets
66. the smell of fresh cut grass
67. being able to live in the country
68. the smell of beautiful flowers
69. how cute all little babies are, be it human or other animal
70. knowledge
71. wisdom
72. compassion
73. words of kindness
74. BATHS!
75. running water
76. toilets, the fact that I don't have to dig a hole to go poo.
77. roller coaster rides...love the adrenaline it gives!
78. ice cream on a hot summer day
79. ice!
80. clean drinking water
81. our fridge, stove, and microwave.
82. God giving me the ability to play the clarinet
83. the love of music that lifts up my soul.
84. nap time!
85. online banking
86.time with friends
87. our church
88. the joy that little children carry with them (how much they make my heart smile)
89. How Hannah used to say, Grapes "gwapes"
90. the ability to keep my mouth shut when I am fuming with anger & bitterness.
91. our Bibles! How we can learn so much about God through them
92. Breezy summer days.
93. How beautiful snowflakes are.
94. Swings in the park
95. being able to be simplistically enthralled by life.
96. for electricity
97. for gas stations
98. for grocery stores.
99. My husband that is an amazing provider & lover of my heart, soul, mind & body!
100. the thought that we will one day have children together. That he is the one that brought up foster parenting.
I am thankful, and trying to remind myself of it. There are times I still feel afflicted and angered by other people's words. I'm thankful for this as an outlet. I'm thankful for friends that apologize. And for being able to apologize.
I am thankful for a comfy bed, that I am now going to snuggle into because I am tired. Nap time!
♥ Jessica
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)