Do you like the new design? I did steal the background and downloaded a header and personalized it. But I LOVE it! I am hoping to be adding some more slowly but surely, as well as starting a family blog for my friends and family that I do not want to share all of this crazy personal TTC info with.
This blog will remain my favorite, because I cannot imagine life without all of you. You give me hope, remind me of times past, help me heal, and allow me to fully grieve everything infertility and loss related. You are true friends that I wish I could meet face to face and allow my shoulder for you to cry on.
A lot of the times you are more understanding and loving than those in my "real" life (you know what I mean, right?). I am SO incredibly BLESSED and THANKFUL to have you in my life.
We have a couple of friends that know our journey, they have a son together, and once worried about not being able to get pregnant. They should be able to empathize and such. But they don't. We have tried to get together with them but it never works out, and it is ALWAYS us calling them. I am ready to give up on the friendship. I cried, and cried, when I finally came to this point. Because honestly, we kind of think the reason they are avoiding us is because she may be pregnant again. And that my friends, is not a friend at all, a friend would sensitively break it to you. She would know my heart, and know that we will be happy for them, but sad for us (and jealous as all get out to be honest...).
We have another couple of friends that have been amazing to have. She personally has been through infertility and loss. She cries with me. And dreams with me. And gives me hope. When she is pregnant again, she will be one I will be able to cry with on her shoulder if need be. She will handle our friendship with care. And her husband is SO good for James. He is a strong believer in God, and helps James to verbalize and think about how the emotions of men and women are different many times when it comes to ttc and infertility.
Then their are single friends that like to ignore the elephant in the room, their are single friends that like to occasionally ask how things are going, a couple that asks how things are going once in a blue moon...but asks GOOD questions so she can know how to talk about things and be educated with her clients, and there are friends and family that listen to me more than they want to, but do so without making me feel even more small and broken.
We are blessed by them and by you! I am in the tww, about 5dpo give or take. I have had some sharp cramping off and on my lower right abdomen...which amazingly is right where my uterus is located. I now know when I feel ovulation from left, or when I feel cramping at this point on that side to just relax and know this month isn't it. But this month? I am hopeful, but know that it is ENTIRELY up to God. It doesn't matter when we have sex, or how many times, or what lube we use. If God wants us to get pregnant, it will happen.
I got to this point by it dawning on me...we got pregnant 2 months in a row in 2010. With one fallopian tube. Take that statistics! I have a BIG God that can make me ovulate 2 months in a row from the same side, and allow ONE incident of sex without a condom produce a little bean. I am leaning on God. He may lead me towards IUI, but as of right now...I am depending on my ultimate physician to guide the sperm and allow the conception to happen in a safe place of my uterus.
James and I did talk about adopting embryos. And I really feel this is something God would bless in the future, not at this point in time...but the future. And I have educated so many friends this past week about it. I really wouldn't be surprised if in the future they will adopt one this way if unable to conceive a child naturally.
Anyways, you know what I am going to say...Homework is calling! And so is sleep! May the best one win ;-)
Edit: OH MY GOODNESS. I told myself I would stop getting excited about looking at expected due dates on CTP, but guess what my due date would be approximately if we got pregnant this cycle? My BIRTHDAY. 11/16/2012 Would that not be amazing. To have a baby due 2 years after my first pregnancy and loss. On my 25th birthday. Ok, done dreaming. God knows if it will happen or not. ♥
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
Initially, I thought I was diverted to another blog but realized that you just redesigned your blog. Oh how I love the colors!
ReplyDeleteAnyhows, thank you so much for keeping in touch. I am, likewise, praying that this is the right time that Our Father Almighty planned for you to have that sticky bean. God bless!