Ahhhhhhh! I Can't Take One More Item of Bad News....

Ok so stressing because Final exam was today and I don't find out til Thursday how I did. I am praying and hoping I passed.

If I didn't, ooh boy is that a bad thought area. Not passing would mean strike one on nursing program. It would mean paying off student loan that paid for the courses and books (close to 3,000) over the next 3 months. And having to wait til the fall to try again. SOOOOO not liking that option.

Last night I slept like hell. I had an emotional night. Started by looking for good worship music. Because I will be honest...I miss my husband drumming and the old worship band experience. The one at our new church isn't cutting it for me.

Listening to music lead me to the fact I don't think I have fully worshipped openly to God since the loss of Sam. Which lead me to thinking about how it has been a year since the miscarriage and we did nothing to remember our baby. There really isn't any closure when you miscarry. You can't visit a grave. I could visit the toilet at my mom's house...what a wonderfully symbolic place.

The Shitter. Because I feel like shit! Depressed, anxious, and stressed to the max.

A year after seeing a baby in your tummy you'd expect to be holding a baby, or a year after a loss you'd expect to be pregnant again.

I am neither. I have faced rotten news after rotten news. And there definitely isn't a baby growing in my belly.

Just an over abundance of fat cells haha. Oh boy.

Anyways, I sleep so crappy. Waking up probably every half hour, after FINALLY falling asleep at 430. Then 630 hits, and I get woke up. M missed the bus. And with me flopping around like a fish all night I am sure James slept like shit, so I tell him when we get up maybe we will take him to school. I was so annoyed.

915 hits. And I wake up to Jack whining outside our door because he has to potty. And there M is sleeping on the couch. Really?! I have a final exam and he slept on the couch doing diddly squat. Didn't think to let the dog out? What the heck?!

I wake his butt up and go back to sleep. Then we wake up several times before using the crow bar to get us both out of bed at 11. So much for taking him to school. And so much for me studying.

So I took my exam today, and feeling stressed about it. Go grocery shopping. Spend WAY too much money on not enough food. And then get home.

Granted, the floor is vacuumed and picked up...but the dishes still were piled up in the sink. Really? You play hookie because you "missed" the bus and do jack diddly squat? Don't think so. So he does dishes. Half ass loads the dish washer, and I have to go behind him and fix it so the junk fits! =( Very grumpy at this point.

Then I see the mail and what do my eyes get to see? What used to be 150 dollar dentist bill is now 760 bill because our insurance "didn't pay" WTH?! I don't think so. I have dental insurance for a reason. So add that of places I need to call.

Dentist. Work. ObGyn for HSG that still hasn't been covered. Hospital from car accident. GAAAAAAAAAHHHH Oh and Taxes still need to be done.

I need a vacation, badly.