Alone in the Rain?

Today has been one of those days that nothing seems to go right. Work sucked. Badly. Then I get a text from James while at work that his car might be on it's last leg. I get home, finally get my heart monitor off...which left red itchy spots on me. Obviously I'm slightly allergic to that tape. Get home, sleep. Eat breakfast with James. Got a tummy ache. Went back to bed til 2. Spent no time with James at all today. Then I get a call he's 15 min from home and car is dying. Struggling to move.

This morning after breakfast I looked at car with him. Metal shavings in the oil. Great. So the Buick is parked at his Dad's garage. Pretty much dead. Like waiting for an old person to die, seeing all the signs slowly appearing but hoping that it's not true. To top this off, James informs me too that the fuel oil is down to half a tank. We've used $275 worth of fuel oil keeping our house set at a balmy 66. (P.S. it got filled beginning of this month and it was 550 to fill it). We still owe $ on impala. And now going to have to see about borrowing for another car, when we had planned on doing such in June with impala paid off and an emergency savings in place again.

I'm feeling so far down today. Feel incompetent at my job because I'm so darn slow. Feel incompetent as a wife because I wasn't able to stay pregnant with everyone else pregnant around me it feels, and to top off everything I can't go get groceries tonight, there's no milk! and I've got cramps up the wazoo. Feeling lousy as children ministry leader because I wasn't able to drive to go finish up the nursery decorations @ church tonight. Basically I'm in the middle of lies and a pity party that I do not want to attend but struggling to find a way out. Tears fall down my cheeks with out listening when I tell them to stop.

I'm feeling so alone and isolated in the rain today. I just want a friend to spend time with today, and I don't want to have to ask. I want to spend time with James, but he's working and tomorrow will be forced to look at cars and financing. Thursday brings another struggle...2 people with 2 separate schedules and one car. God can you help me please? I will stand in this rain alone if this is what you desire. But my heart is aching and crying out for you. I'm waiting for an answer, but all I'm hearing in reply is silence. Waiting. Stress. And heartbreak.