Life...

Busy, as usual. I am in crunch time for EVERYTHING or so it seems. 4 weeks or less until Matthew's arrival.

Which means 4 weeks (or less) to try to finish all of my school work, the earlier the better.

4 weeks to finish preparing freezer meals, clean our house, figure out what cupboard is going to hold baby bottles and such, hopefully get a glider/rocker, and the dresser for the baby's room.

4 weeks. Four. As in counting your fingers, and not your tumb. On one hand. One! :-)

How has this gone by so quickly? Not going to lie, I would almost be okay if my dream about discovering we are pregnant in March would come true...as long as I have lost this baby weight (220 now in case you are curious, 28lbs....and I really feel it is all baby, but am sad I am nearing gaining 30. May God help it be shed VERY quickly!). Because I have enjoyed this pregnancy. Me. Pregnant. It is unbelievable even to me at times. Feeling his kicks, the round belly..., even the humor in my lovely female jock strap (aka the vagina sling as I have kindly named it). Or the moments that I prayed to God to puke, just so I could feel better.

How has this passed me by so quickly? I am sure this is only foreshadowing for how quickly it will feel our son has grown up....

Right now he is pressing on the right side of my pelvis bone and it feels so funky, kind of a tickle/pressure mix. Then he kicks middle of my upper stomach. It cracks me up, how can you love something so much that you have never met? My heart loved him even before God placed him in my womb, but now it seems the love just grows and grows. Like when he is quiet for quit a bit of the day, but as soon as I get around my nephew he goes CRAZY! He loves him, recognizes his voice because he talks (quite loudly) to my belly each time I see him. Or when I finally cave and drink some caffeine and he starts doing what feels like jumping jacks. Or when he gets the hiccups and gets SO angry that he throws a little tempertantrum where both arms and legs make my belly look like I could be having twins instead of just one.

A few people have made comments aout fear of something still happening, and while I know this is a very real (and terrifying) possibility. I have to trust that God will protect him. I have to believe that my prayers for functioning placenta and umbilical cord, no umbilical cord accidents, and overall health of my child will e answered by God.

I was half thinking/half praying the other day, and it hit me. While it is harder on us when God takes our babies early, it is probably easier on God. As a parent you want to protect your child...and this world isnt a pretty place. How much more it must pain Christ to allow His children come to this Earth instead of directly to Heaven with Him. For that, my children are so blessed to not know some of the lessons of this world...even with how hard I grieved losing them, even with how hard I stepped back and questioned God.

I cannot wait to meet them one day. I cannot wait to see Matthew's tiny little body and discover what parts of myself and what parts of James God decided to give him.

I dont have much longer to wait. Four weeks...4, or less! Oh my! Speaking of which I better go study some more! Oiy!