The Talk

James looked at me today and said, "Jess my anger is coming back."

I knew what he meant. 6 more losses? Matthew is 2. And we have lost a total of 11 babies to heaven.

He expressed his gratitude for a friend that told him that he had permission to grieve because we lost another little life. He said he needed to hear those words because he was just pushing through, being tough about it because after 11 losses you'd think the hurt wouldn't sting as bad.

We talked about how I have to give myself permission to grieve as well. No one tells me that it's okay to grieve....or mentions lost babies often. But late at night I have been finding time to work through my feelings.

And we talked about how we need to eat better and I need to do my part and find the motivation and energy to lose weight. I am up to 215 pretty much where I was when I got fed up and started to lose weight before Matthew.

He isn't willing to do more testing unless I do my part and in my heart I know he is right.

I also started progessence plus and it smells good (most days). Essential oils are weird in when you need it they can smell bad, strong, or off to you. When it has smelled bad to me it smelled like fish oil....bleck!