Flash back to last Saturday. I am feeling hormonal, crazy, and so irritable. I say to a friend please pray for me, I don't know where I am at in my cycle I tested it was negative and feeling nuts.
My guess is that I was about 7dpo that day, though I have no clue because for the past 3 glorious months I haven't really tracked my period and have had it come on its own without a question in my mind if I was pregnant.
My prayer had been "Lord keep my womb shut until you are ready to bless us with a take home baby."
Now I sit here facing a slew of light tests that have gotten lighter in the past 2 days and a digital test that reads back to me "Not Pregnant"
And a wedding to celebrate at on Saturday.
And a potential diagnosis of a heart defect from my echocardiogram that was "Mostly normal"
Shoot me now. I haven't even told James about this pregnancy because I was so hopeful that God was going to come through for us for this pregnancy. I wanted to surprise him with a digital test that said 3+ weeks pregnant and a day off from work to go to an ultrasound.
Wishful thinking. Stupidity. Whatever you want to call it. Hope got the best of me this cycle.
I cant imagine being in your shoes, and I am not even going to try, but I will say this the love you have for babies is commended, especially in this day and age when most are shunning the thought of wanting children. I pray that Our Heavenly Fathers plans for your life will be made known to you and that you stay strong in HIS timing..
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