Wowza....hormonal much?

To e honest. This has been a long week. From oversleeping and missing class Tuesday, to running out of gas Thursday. To hell night at work Friday (seriously we sat down for 1 hour total the whole night, and worked through first break...my back was killing me, I was exhausted, basically it was not pretty).

Friday was also the day my hubby went to man camp. I realy wasnt too concerned about it. Time apart doesnt usually get to me too badlly. But this time? Oh my word. Pregnancy doesnt fair well with him being away.

Friday my thoughts turned to the what ifs.....what if he is two-three hours away and I go into early labor and I cannot get ahold of him? What if something happens to him? I even made sure to make him pack his rescue inhaler that he hasnt needed to use in YEARS. Just. In. Case.

I hadnt saw him that much since Monday night. So it had been a long work week for him, and a long day of lacking time together for me.

And I keep thinking about how we only have a few more months with it just being us and I dont want to miss out on those moments. I want to enjoy each other being just us before the baby comes. It seriously brings tears to my eyes that we didnt go on a vacation together this summer or for our anniversary. We havent had a weekend where neither has something to do, neither works, no family or friends to visit....in ages.

And it is wearing on me. Big time.

Then I started thinking about how, while I agree with all man camp for the church is about....I also dont think it is fair. When have I went away ALL weekend bringing with me 200 to spend on things and have fun with the girls? Especially since he had a guys night like within the last month. I always turn things down because I'd rather spend money on doing something with James and I. As a couple. Together. He even took Friday off from work to go to man camp. And it just stung a bit...because it is going to be unpaid, and he didnt even spend the day with me...*sigh*

Bring on the water works that felt rational and irrational at the same time. I felt SO alone yesterday. I feel drifted away from most...ok all this week because best friend's phone was dead and I didnt even tak to her until last night for a quick moment....friends. My sisters are back to school so it's not like I can go pick S up for her to spend time with me. My husband was gone. All I had was our dog and cat. And they kept waking me or the baby up from sleep. Which made me even more tired and emotional.

Seriously crying. Again. I am a mess. I am supposed to work again tonight but I have slept like crap since James has been gone, and with him coming home today in spite of me wanting to save up vacation time...I may have to call in.

I havent even heard his voice since Friday afternoon. And gotten very few texts from him. I am feeling ridiculously needy and it makes me feel so weak and stupid. I love my husband and I miss him, desperately.

We need a weekend away together. Without friends. Without family. Time to just be us. A couple. Husband and wife. Before we add Mom and Dad to our titles. We honestly need more than a weekend, but school, work, and lack of vacation time will not allow for such a thing.

I cannot wait to be done with school and have the extra money to vacation more often. Because this woman needs it to destress, to remember who I truly am, and just reconnect with my husband.

I am just feeling burnt out and run down. And the stupid hormones arent helping one damn bit....