Matthew and whispers of hope

Matthew will be turning 2 soon, and I seriously have no clue where the time has gone. Makes my heart ache.

He is still breastfeeding and still sleeping in bed with us. It just worked for us for so long but now I am yearning to have my space back a little bit. We have started trying to get him to sleep on his crib mattress beside the bed. And I have been trying to talk him into giving up the boo at bedtime.

A big part of this reason is that he has 2 teeth that I am 99% sure will end up being pulled relatively soon. Which happened with me and 2/3 of my sisters. I think genetically we give bad baby teeth. But boy does it make me feel like a bad mom. I have read conflicting things on if breast milk can cause cavities or not but I do think a change in bedtime routine is a must, we have brushed teeth but need to get more strict about it.

Anyways, last night was a success in my book. He slept from 9 pm til 1 am by himself. I kept explaining to him that boos were sleepy and were going night night like daddy. I promised to let him snuggle until he fell asleep and did let him have the boo for a short time. Eventually I want to set a timer and decrease by 30 seconds a night until he only has them for a short time or not at all to fall asleep.

I talked with him the other day after he said, again, "Baby mama?" I told him that if he wanted a baby brother or sister he may have to give up the boo so mommy's body could help the baby grow in my belly. He wasn't too pleased with this idea. And when I asked him if he wanted a baby brother or sister he said "No! Boo!"

He obviously isn't ready to give it up 100% yet. But I am really wondering if we will ever sustain a pregnancy if I am still breastfeeding.

And then comes the whispers of hope. After telling my friend I was pretty sure I am not pregnant this cycle, James asks me the next day...."Are you pregnant?"

Oiy! I asked why he was asking and he said I have been more irritable lately (true) and usually I don't get this way unless I am pregnant. Deep sigh. So he has planted seeds of hope. And I ended up caving and buying a test. I am actually working today, so I am planning on peeing on the test soon and then will posy results later today.