Today I realized something. I have been afraid to fervently pray like Hannah did for Samuel. Because I don't want bitterness to take hold of my heart during the wait. I don't want hope deferred to make my heart sick.
I want to lean on God but not give up the reigns....and quite frankly that is NOT at ALL how it works.
People tell me to go see an RE. But to be honest I think the biggest reason I haven't made it a priority or a goal is because I want 100% all of the glory to go to God. It might sound silly.
I in all of my broken fertility and misshapen body am fearfully and wonderfully made. God knows what he is doing. He is the creator of ALL life and he knows what needs to happen to create a little one within my womb. He can do it. And I can pray fervently without bitterness clinging in my heart.
So here I am praising God for all the healthy babies being born or developing in wombs around me and thanking him for the presence of another miracle. I am praising the Lord for all he has done in my life and all that he will do.
Matthew and I have again had the discussion about babies and mommas belly. it tugs at my heart and makes me wish I had been more conscious of food choices during my fall healing time. I am obese still. How is that for praising the Lord? Prayers for motivation and continued healing both of my knee and my heart as we prepare our bodies to try for another and run the race that God has set before us. May we remember how truly blessed we all are. ♡

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