Weight Loss And Life

Weight loss had stalled. This past weekend I weighed myself in at 217.4, Before that I had gotten up to 220 lbs. Not even joking. So really in 2 weeks I have lost like 2.6 lbs, but only 0.6 from the last time I weighed in. I am doing my best to try to focus on not binge eating when feeling stressed or emotional and instead turn to Jesus during those trying times.

Let me tell you about a few of these trying times. Most have to do with work as of lately.

Friday I didn't check to see if all of my CNAs had their hair up. Throughout the entire facility everyone has been super lax about this one. It is written into their code of dress...but so is wearing white socks, and I think even white tennis shoes. Anyways, state came for a visit. One of my aides that didn't know of this rule just had her hair behind her shoulders while feeding residents breakfast. Down came the big boss, the DON, yelling at her and me in front of the state lady, residents, and other staff. It was a joyful time to have my job threatened. Again. Fun stuff.

Then this weekend I had an admit, my very first. And it just so happened that somehow between the other facility and ours six of the resident's narcotics came up missing. Que massive freak out and pit in my stomach. Messing with narcs is not something to be taken lightly when it comes to your license and job. I was mentally preparing for the worst. It was terrible, an hour later both of the big bosses said it was fine to take what had been brought with them and to just chart on it. Also had to let the family know that somehow (ahem---or rather someone) took the medication between here and the other facility. Never again will I take a medication bag outside of family's view to sort through them if there is a possibility of narcotics being in it. Lesson learned.

On a positive note, James has been helping out by doing dishes lately and it has been fabulous. It allows me to focus on other areas of the house. Overall our house is still messy but much less so than it was. He says to me, "I've been wanting to do this for awhile, I thought maybe it would help fill your 'love tank'" I love that man. :-) It worked. It helps he hasn't been working tons of overtime so he isn't as tired as he had been.

I also got the part time float position at work. Which means vacation and sick time. Chance at getting short term disability. Overall good things, it does make me anxious to no longer be able to pick my schedule and be at their mercy. Oh well, it is what it is. Wish me the best?

Yesterday, I was so thankful to go to church. It was a pretty good sermon but to just be present with others that believed and worshiped Jesus was a blessing to my soul. I had missed that so much. I wish I could go every week, that is a huge downfall of the medical field...having to work weekends. While at church I learned that one of my old friends, I may have written about her before M (the one I lost over our breastfeeding argument), well her dad passed away from cancer and his funeral was on Saturday. I felt horrible for her, but it also was a small kick to the gut. Like I truly guess I lost my friendship with her, because no one spoke up to even let me know that he had went downhill that quickly or that he had passed away. I cannot imagine how she feels. I know there is nothing I can say or do, but also feel like trying to send a text or a card might even be out of line, stepping over the bounds she wants set between us? I don't know. Inner turmoil over it I suppose. I know that loss is terrible, I know the process of death, of grieving all too well. I'm not afraid of tears, or angry words that might be said, but afraid of pushing her away even further if there was even a slightest chance of friendship.

And this reflecting made me realize that I haven't seen many friends in months. Yes, months, close to a half a year for some, maybe even over. It can make a lady start to think about how lonely it can be some days. I am doing my best to try to start connecting with other ladies once more. I don't want to leave friendships behind, but I also need to start to grow new ones. It made me think about how my father may very well have lung cancer and how just like her father going down hill and having a funeral, it is quite possible that the same could happen to me. That I wouldn't know he was dead until after the funeral had past. What a relationship. Anyways, I am blabbering. Self-loathing possibly so I think I need to just stop my fingers from gliding over the keys. Stop reflecting on what was, and focus on what I can do in the present.

Before I go I will ask that you pray my friend that lost her father. I worry about her faith at times, wish that she would turn to Jesus and away from the partying scene more. Also prayers for my sister in law who is in the hospital with an infection in her armpit that caused sepsis and is quite possibly MRSA. And for a young man that is supposed to be married next month that is in the hospital after having a 1.5 inch metal post go from right hip to left shoulder. He is a miracle. The doctor told him that he should have a new name, Lazarus because Jesus truly raised him from the dead.