Recently we have been flooded with good news. Closing date set for house, a week away! YAY AND I had an interview today and got the job, contingent on passing all the tests (drug screen, physical, TB, and fingerprints). No set start date. This is a huge blessing, my heart is so incredibly happy and excited.
Yet, my heart is reminded every day of the little joy that isn't in my heart or body. My little babies are not here to be celebrating this with us. There are so many pregnant women that are friends of mine on facebook, it's like a knife going into my chest day after day. I have to remind myself things will be okay, my children are with God. And one day I will get to hold my own little baby.
In the midst of all the emotions I also am trying to do school (and failing miserably at times). I am trying to pick colors for painting (and the nursery that will one day hold our own little bundle of joy...color scheme picked, but have to wait for a positive test & 12 week mark). I also am trying to wait patiently for results of extensive blood work. (actually pause...gonna go call now)...fail. Not done yet. I got blood work done the 9th...5 days later still only know I am negative for homocystine. Seriously?!?!? aaaahhh. High note it sounds like only 1 or 2 got sent out to mayo clinic. So I should know Factor IV, ANA, Lupus, Protein S &C sooner than MTHFR & any other one that got sent away. Oh, and I am getting anxious for period to just start...Yet at the least amount of time I have 6 more days, but most likely another two weeks.
Also, to clarify on last post, my random statement about people that have had abortions. It is one thing God truly has worked on my heart about. After starting to get angry I was surrounded by evidence of pain those women later had to go through when accepting what they had done, and the love for those women when recognizing their pain. My eyes had been opened to their hurting. Even with my heart crying out because I didn't choose the fate of my children, and I didn't get to hold them....*sigh* Yet, I do not know their pain of choosing to end my child's life. Nor can I imagine that!
I cannot wait to one day be a mommy, but for now I will celebrate the fact that we have blessing being poured our way at the moment, a house, a job, and financial blessings! Looking forward to it all, and most of all having our own home to just us.
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
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