Little Bit About Me

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First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.

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CAUTION

All writing in this blog is unedited and 100% from what I am feeling at the time. By continuing to read it means that you will take my vents with a grain of salt. You will choose to not take offense. And most of all, if you know me in real life you will either choose to stop reading or keep the knowledge of this blog quiet, and privately allow me to know you are reading. I only share this information with close friends. I do not share this with facebook for a purpose: it is meant to be semi-private. Not "public" knowledge in the sense of the majority of those in real life knowing about it. If you can accept all that has been stated, sit back, grab a box of tissues, and be prepared to endure the rocky road of trying to conceive while trying to get out of the shadows of infertility.

If you have any private questions or concerns you may contact me at mynotesonttc at gmail.com



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Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Glum.

Feeling kind of glum today. I may have actually teared up thinking about our last miscarriages.  And that isn't something I have done lately. Maybe it has been a coping mechanism.

It's easy to be glum when you feel bitterness trying to get a foothold in your heart and you are trying to tell yourself there isn't anything to be bitter about.

Then that whisper. Why? Why God? Why God do you allow babies to pass away? Pregnancies to be conceived and babies not to be born. I don't get it. And I never will.

Why do you think I am strong enough for this life? Am I cursed? What have I done to deserve this strife? What kind of legacy am I leaving for my children with infertility and loss nipping at my heals every turn I make?

Just feeling heartbroken and distant.

Ugh. Glum. Sad. Is there a single word to describe my emotions lately? Maybe it's disheartened.

Sorry I am not upbeat today.

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