Dentist and Other Thoughts

I am a little strange in the fact that I really dont mind going to the dentist...even if it is for a filling. I have been going to the same dentist since I was about the age of 3 or 4....so 20+ years!

Today I had to have a filling, a sealant, and my front tooth polished.

My front tooth, my sister would tell you the story as it were a comedy, but to me it was a nightmare. Set the scene for you.

Colorguard practice, senior year. We were working with our shorrter flags, which were really really light...so we could get some awesome height and rotation. I was trying to get it to do a quadripple toss, when someone made me laugh. I opened my mouth....got distracted. When....

BAM. Instant hillbilly tooth. Chipped. My teeth were the ONE thing I really felt confident about. Pearly Whites. Perfectly straight. Now flawed.

It was DEVESTATING. I BAWLED like a BABY. No joke. Ok maybe you are finding it humerous...but not me because that tooth has never been the same. If I try whitening my teeth I have to go in to get the color changed. It stains easier. It is more fragile than other teeth, so I have chipped it in same spot before.

Pain in the ASS.

Well today he was supposed to just polish it, but it wasnt cooperating. So he had to touch up the color and go from there. Well now I can see the like from where the chip was clear as day. Not happy. But of course I didnt look in mirror til AFTER I had left. *sigh* No me gusta lo.

As for the filling, easy peasey, small one due to flaw in my teeth. Probably could have been prevented if I used floride mouthwash on a more regular basis, or had gone in and got it sealed instead of not going to the dentist for 2 years because we didnt have dental.

As for the sealant...they taste as nasty as I remember that is for sure!!

And of course my dentist asks when there are going to be little ones, and forgot to write down in my chart that I have struggled with infertility and loss. Anyways, so I tell him..."Actually I will be 14 weeks tomorrow!" And remind him of other losses and that I am considered high risk....blah blah blah.

Well he remembers to write on my chart that I am pregnant. The receptionist, bless her heart says, "You dont look too big!" So I tell her, I can feel the difference. And she says, well it is good you are holding onto your shape. LOL I have wanted the round belly for so long I will be so overjoyed when I finally pop where everyone can tell, "Man she is pregnant!"

And then you know my brain...it goes to, am I supposed to be bigger? What does that mean? Is all going well in there baby? It has been 3 weeks since I heard the heartbeat, and thank goodness TOMORROW is my ultrasound!!

And then it says, nope...you just arent showing yet because you are a fatty. And I then think of my coworkers...one that was a little bigger than me (and definitely larger boned, taller, etc) that was 9months pregnant and still just looked chunky. And another that is bigger than me (probably around a 22-24 now if I had to guess) said to me, "I was smalller than I am now and I never got the big tight belly with either of my pregnancies." Insert sad face. I want the big tight beautiful pregnant belly. I dont want people wondering, "Is she really pregnant, or just fat?" "Is she just fat....or pregnant?" Oiy.

I did hug a friend Sunday night though and she said to me, "Oooooh, I like feeling that little bump starting." That made me smile. She and her husband started doing MFP a little after James and I. She started out the same size as me and pretty much the same weight. She is now down to a size 12 being baggy and looks SOOOO good. She is able to fit into her wedding dress for the first time since trying it on when she got married almost 6 years ago. Her husband has lost 30lbs and is skinnier and in better shape than when they got married.

And it is sad I am a little envious! I want James and I to be in shape. But I have been a bad influence to him lately eating wise, and I have been too scared to exercise now that I am feeling better. I told James (in love, not being mean at all...dont take it as such), I am making goals for him to be under 280 by the time the baby comes (I actually said 275) which means he'd have to lose about 30lbs. And I have SO much faith in him. Once he is on days I am sure the weight will melt off...it will mean no more late night (like 10pm) dinners, motivation to take walks together in the evenings, and a happier hubby (sexier than ever, too I am sure ;-D)

My goal is to maintain as long as possible through my second trimester. If I can not hit 200lbs until close to when the baby gets here I will be amazed. If I dont ever hit it, even better! LOL I am not dieting, let me assure you. But I have started counting calories to maintain and watch my choices if I go over the following day. And with as often as I am going to get u/s I have faith that we will see if baby isnt growing and gaining weight as hoped....and then I will greatly agree to gain more. :-)