My Notes on TTC and Life: Happy Father's Day!

CAUTION

All writing in this blog is unedited and 100% from what I am feeling at the time. By continuing to read it means that you will take my vents with a grain of salt. You will choose to not take offense. And most of all, if you know me in real life you will either choose to stop reading or keep the knowledge of this blog quiet, and privately allow me to know you are reading. I only share this information with close friends. I do not share this with facebook for a purpose: it is meant to be semi-private. Not "public" knowledge in the sense of the majority of those in real life knowing about it. If you can accept all that has been stated, sit back, grab a box of tissues, and be prepared to endure the rocky road of trying to conceive while trying to get out of the shadows of infertility.

If you have any private questions or concerns you may contact me at mynotesonttc at gmail.com

♥

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day!

Yesterday we had a wedding, and the night before was h-e-double L. Matthew had a stuffy nose and slept like crap. With a capital C. Wedding day Matthew had a lovely snotty nose and drainage causing a cough. With as bad his allergies are I assumed it was that or teething. Or a combo. Saturday night hits, we start out sleeping on the couch together as a family. Until we wake up around 1 and Matthew is burning up. At first I thought it was because he was hot, so I took off top of sleeper, nope still warm. Took off entire sleeper, still burning up. He was already crying so I tossed him in a Luke warm tub. Then took his temp when we got out 102.8...then moved to the bedroom w/ac with medicine given to Matthew. Slowly his fever broke. And later today we got smiles and giggles.

But not before I took a hpt on a whim and saw a line staring back at me. A bfp. Not what I was expecting. And for a moment I felt guilt for not being super excited, because of finances, I wanted to breastfeed Matthew til he is 18 months, because of all the loses we have endured. Then I surprised James...in my moments of guilty sadness, I blurted out to him..."...So, I tested today."
His reply? "Aaaand?"
"It wasn't negative."
An instant smile crossed his face. "Is it dark like Matthew's was?"

well I don't know how to answer that because I don't know how far along I am. My best guess is I ovulated around May 11th (making Feb 1st due date) because I started charting when we were intimate and when I felt cramping. Last week I spotted brown, so I thought AF was on the way for the first time, and was praying she would stay away for a few more months.

Now I realize it was implantation spotting most likely.

Oiy! Wish me luck and say a prayer. Nursing school. Work. Sick baby. 6 month old. Exclusively breastfeeding. Being a wife. And life in general....

Pray for our baby now growing in my womb. For fatigue to be gentle to me. For school to come easy to me all the way through the semester. And for our finances that are scary at the moment and sooner to get even tighter.

Matthew is 6 months old and 24lbs 2 oz, 27" long. Chunky little man, and soon to be big brother.