Blah.

Well, hcg rose. To 566. So today's hcg needs to drop 15% (about 90 points) for me to not have to get a methotrexate shot again on Thursday. I am tempted to tell them if it drops close to 15% they can suck it and I will wait until Friday to get blood work again to see where levels are at then before going through the hell of not nursing for 3-4 days. Because now I do not have a stash built up.

Plus today I started cramping and spotting. Red. So I know things are progressing and resolving. Gas pains too. Holy toots. And had a bought of diarrhea earlier.

And then there is the mental aspect.

After waiting for over a week now for my body to either help this baby cling on or vacate the premise...it looks as if it might just happen. And I am not going to lie, it hurts my heart. But I am SOOOO ready for this to be over and done with.

Why am I up at 145 in the morning? Simply because I feel like hell, add nausea to the cramping and gas pains, plus diarrhea....yeah definitely not going to clinical tomorrow. I can do an 8 hour case study and get an occurrence for it. I just need a mental health day or something.

I am ready for my hcg to be at 0 so we can move on. So I can take my vitamin again and not drag butt. And to begin a high dose of folic acid to get that built back up in my system.

OOOhhh and add to all of this a sick little boy. He has goopy eyes (I have eye drops for him, and have also just started putting breast milk in his eyes to help it clear up quicker), a nasty cough and sinus issue...for which he got azythromyacin because that is what James is on (both of my boys are sick...James with bronchitis/suspected pneumonia). No signs of wheezing, but doctor said due to holiday weekend and the fact that he has gotten worse over the past few days it couldn't hurt to place him on antibiotics, just make sure to finish them.

I blame him being sick on me not being able to breast feed, because that is when things got worse. That and teething mixed with allergies.

On a side note, James has gotten pneumonia for the 4th year in a row around the same time (he has worked at his job for 4 years...). After praying about him possibly leaving his job, he got told by the urgent care doctor to consider leaving his job to find another due to health reasons. SO there will most likely be a huge change in our lives coming up. Where God guides, God provides is what I have to keep telling myself. I would LOVE for him to wait until next March for profit sharing, and by then I will be an LPN and have a significant pay increase.

Right now we aren't sure when he is going to be leaving his current job, but I can tell you one thing...it will be by the end of March for sure. When I told James I was hoping to be pregnant next summer....he was sad because he thought it meant he was going to have to stay at his current job. That isn't the case, it just means we will need to have all our ducks in a row before then. Have crap paid off, insurance paid ahead, and a savings plan in place. It is doable...but it means picking up as much overtime as possible now to help us get there. And that profit sharing in March 2014 sure would be nice (haha). One other thing I am praying that will help desperately is the produce we are growing. We have a quarter of an acre of corn growing in our front yard, and another quarter down on the family farm. We are planning to have a produce stand to sell all of it. Plus peppers, acorn squash, tomatoes, and more in the back yard (but not as much of this stuff as we had wanted. It is too hard w/me in school, James working overtime, and Matthew...but if next year James isn't working it means doubling our produce if all goes well this year, and making twice as much as we make this year. Eventually he wants to farm/sell produce and be a seasonal propane truck driver. PLUS maybe own a small store where we sell our produce, baked goods, and small homemade items...kind of like an amish store. We have been dreaming about this BIG time.)

anyways, Matthew is getting squirmy so I must hit the hay. Nighty night.