Just An Update

Seriously Facebook is a blooming with babies. Every time I get on there is a new ultrasound or announcement. Definitely making me squeeze Matthew a little bit tighter.

Due to the fact that today is CD6 and I am still spotting....and that I saw clots bigger than any of my other miscarriages I am thinking the prednisone did help some. Although not enough to hold onto our little one.

I am getting back to the place where I am thinking about how I need to be in more serious prayer about our next baby. I have been at peace and thinking God's will will be done and trying not to get overly attached or emotionally connected with each pregnancy that it brings me to that awful place of bitterness and sadness and instead I have been living nonchalantly as we lost our 10th baby to heaven.

So here begins my audacious prayer life once more for God to be preparing my womb and eggs to be ready to accept another life. You would think after losing 10 pregnancies I would be ready to give up. But instead it makes me relish the fact of what a true miracle and blessing we have in Matthew that God chose him to be the one we got to meet. The one that will walk this world and share the light of Jesus in the darkness. God you called us to this life for some reason unbeknownst to me, but I just want to say thank you for all that you have done or will do in the future. Please continue to place your hands in our lives as we continue to try to focus on losing weight and getting our finances in order before we actively try for another blessing from you. We would love it if you could save us from more heartache and sadness but if you cannot then continue to pour out your love and blessings on us so that we may not doubt or question the goodness of you Lord. That's really the cry of my heart. I do not want to become bitter and angry towards you and all of the pregnant women or young babies in this world again. That truly was a horrid place to be.