"Symptoms"

(I wrote this on Tuesday and evidently it never posted....) So I am about 10dpo. ...I think. And my only "symptoms" the past 2 days have been constipation, excessive thirst, and feeling like a furnace. And hunger and feeling bloated. (Small edit: woke up 2x with feeling cold from sweating....Google has me wanting to test. UGH!)

I really have decided I probably am not pregnant but in the off chance I am I have been more diligent about taking my vitamins and baby aspirin.

Anyways....I do have one dollar store cheapie that I could use but preferring to wait until AF is late. Especially with finances. I may also have a FRER but pretending that I didn't spot it the other day lol

So that's that. my life has been trying to catch up our house on cleaning while taking care of Matthew and babying my knee.

My best friend did come over on Monday to look through clothes and I felt like I wanted to cling to them and not share due to the memories they carried with them. And I felt God whisper to my soul they are just material things. I felt more at ease after that and was reminded that after I let my aunt borrow maternity clothes I got pregnant a few months later with Matthew.

Today we actually got out of the house and it felt sooo good to me. I have a story to share about one of the discussions I had today as well but waiting to hear back from her later this week. Let's just say it was an I definitely heard God moment. And I am waiting to know if the other prayer I prayed not knowing it was for them came true. I am being vague but it is about people in real life that I know personally and some of my blog readers probably know as well. ♡

Let's just say my heart is giddy with JOY.

I am hoping that means my heart is healing over our past and moving forward with God in the center.

(And I am writing this today!)

So I caved and took my FRER. I don't remember which day but it was stark white negative which means sore nipples are now part of PMS for me now :-/ UGH! I have also still been struggling with constipation and being a furnace. So maybe instead of the fact that I am back over 200 lbs (200.8 to be exact) my body is trying to do the right thing and produce a good ovulation! Wishful thinking? Maybe! Probably.

I really am wanting to try Progessence Plus by young living. It has stories of helping women with balancing hormones, especially progesterone. And evening helping women keep babies when regular progesterone pills hadn't helped them. Looking at a few others as well!

Baby fever is burning deep within my soul. Friday I saw another friend and she was growing round with baby. She hadn't announced yet but there was no hiding it at all in the outfit she was wearing. How I YEARN to go through another healthy pregnancy. I have decided this week begins our healthy lifestyle, again. oiy! I need to lose weight so I can carry another baby or at least look damn good trying. My goal is to be pregnant by the time my sister gets married in May or weigh 160 lbs.

But more than weight loss I want to bring a sibling to my son who sees baby carriers in the carts at stores and yells "Baby!" My little boy that loves baby dolls at church, and holds them and pats their backs. My little boy who is a miracle to me, given to us by our God! And how selfish I feel some days for asking Him to repeat a miracle. Then I read in the Bible of those that did everything they could to get to Jesus and some days I feel like that with my prayers. Examples...

Prepare a way in my body for a healthy baby to implant.

Help me to ovulate well this month, please Lord!

Make sure my fallopian tube is clear and ready to move a fertilized egg into my uterus!

God, Please bless us!

Lord help my desires to be in place with yours.

Please if it is your will do not let us go through another loss.

Jesus, help us to bring a sibling (or as many as you wish to bless us with!) for Matthew into this world soon.

.....Yeah that is what it is like some days. 

Anyways, I should end this book of a post. Later I will post an entry about my breakdown day that I had this past Friday, before MOPS. Before seeing another pregnant friends belly, and before being in a room with at least 5 infants at once...which literally made my uterus ache. No joke, right along side of my heart!