Ok, so I'm awake...

And thinking about my vent from the other day. I know there are things you do not say to people trying to conceive. But that is because I am going through this period in my life. As many other women could probably agree. So what did I do? I googled: "Things Not to Say to a Couple Trying to Conceive" I think the favorite one, comments included, is from this lady. I will steal from her list, and add my own comments about each. But really, I think you should zip on over there and take a peak yourself.

1. Just relax!
If you read about trying to conceive & infertility you will learn that stress is something that comes with the process. And this stress is something that usually does not affect a women's ability to get pregnant. If it did, I think that there would be less pregnancies from women in bad relationships, rape would not equal a baby, and to be honest, saying such a thing ADDS stress to a women trying to conceive SO lets just avoid saying such things.

2. You should just adopt.
Yes, facing infertility or challenges trying to conceive does bring this topic up to the couple. The thought has crossed James and my conversation many times. And to be honest, if you really want to know, if we do not have kids by the time I am done with school that probably will be a hurdle we will jump. I've learned from this experience that for most women there are different stages of trying to have a child of your own. It varies for many how far they will go due to cost and beliefs.
1. First step is to try naturally. Then most if it hasn't happened yet figure out that they need to chart and/or use OPKs to track ovulation.
2. After a year to six months women (and men) go through testing. Standard infertility testing to figure out what is "wrong" with them. What a stigma on the person that it happens to be on. Not going to lie, this process is hard because it makes whomever the test results are not normal for feel like it's their fault. Regardless of how they act on the outside, and that they cannot change the situation. 
3. Clomid and/or more timed intercourse.  Often times this is the next step. Clomid helps a women ovulate, and some drs think it will help with egg quality. But if it's not Clomid sometimes other medication is used. Like some women have shorted luteal phases, so they get to experience progesterone pills (which believe me, aren't fun...I had to be on them when pregnant). Or some women get to take baby aspirin, or blood thinners when trying to conceive. It's not rainbows and butterflies all the extra sex either. Because when ttc you learn that KY and other lubes kill sperm. So you get to use pre-seed. Which is $20 a tube, and should be inserted up near your cervix to actually help with sperm mobility up the canal. And oh isn't it fun and spontaneous to say, "Ok from my cycle Day 8 we are going to have sex every other day, then when I get a positive OPK we are going to have sex. Skip a day, then try again the next." Seriously, while some men think, "YES BRING IT ON" (Ok and some women too...hehe) But there are some times when one may not feel like it, but you go through the motions simply because you both want a child.
3. Injections and IUI This is the step before IVF. Basically, from my understanding, your trick your body into thinking you are pregnant with an hCg shot, and artificially inseminate the woman. What a warm and fuzzy story to tell your child. You were conceived by daddy giving a sample of sperm and then the dr inserted it into me...and boom! I got pregnant. Ok, to be honest it's not always that simple. The IUI itself is somewhere around 300 if insurance will pay for it (I believe). And this doesn't include Ultrasounds to see how big your follicle (egg) is, and how many are ready. It doesn't include the hcg shot, and often the clomid that some women have to be on too.
4. IVF and all that goes with it. IVF is super expensive. Some couples take out loans for the chance to have a child. While it's their choice, I don't know if it can be mine. But there are many options inside IVF that you have to face. Like if too many eggs get transferred (think Octo-Mom and Kate Plus 8) many Drs will say you should abort some. Or you can freeze leftover eggs and/or fertilized eggs to be SOLD later if you do not use them. Oh boy. This is not something I am called to....
5. Adoption Yes, adoption is last on the list usually, because a person that wants to be a mother, wants to experience pregnancy. Get a group of mother's together, what do they talk about? Labor. Labor that some women don't get to experience. Pregnancy. Pregnancy that some women never get to experience. And babies. The most important thing to a woman that wants a child: a baby. Newborns, and staying up late because of them...etc. The road leading up to adoption is not easy, I'd have to say it's probably harder than being pregnant. Because you wish to see your body change instead of complaining about it. You experience jealousy over morning sickness for goodness sakes! But the end result is what God wants for the couple. If God leads us to adopt, that's a road we will go down. But, it's expensive too to be honest. So, we'll probably go for foster parenting. And that has it's own set of joys & heartache.


3. You want kids? You can take mine!  
Why thank you! Does this really help? Nope. Does this help me to experience pregnancy? Nope. Does this allow me to feel like a mommy? Nope. Does this make me feel more like a failure? Ding ding ding, we have a winner! Sure some days we love to watch other people's kids. But honestly, it just adds to the heartache and reminder of wanting one of our own.

4. There is probably a reason for it.  
Oh really? Then why is it that there are child molesters and abusive families that get blessed with children? I understand there is a reason for it. But being the one going through this, I don't want to hear it. Because it makes me question, "Does God really think I won't be a good mother?" Or, "What have I done to deserve this?" The answer to the first is NO, I don't really think he thinks I will not be a good mother. But my heart does feel heavy at times. Do I deserve this? This is something that does cross my mind, I had premarital sex. With 2 partners. Did I screw it up because of this? Then I think of all the women prostitutes or not so modest women that get pregnant and do not know who the daddy is. If I screwed it up, then how fair is it? Yet, it is a guilt thing some days.


5. Oh, you're still young! It'll happen.  
According to an about.com's article "if you looked at only the couples that got pregnant eventually, and eliminated the women who didn’t conceive, 42% conceived in their first month of trying, 75% by their third month, 88% by six months and 98% by 12 months." That means 2% of women do not get pregnant within a year. This study was small in my opinion...only like 300 or so women. And it excluded those that have fertility problems. And 1 in 6 women experience some sort of infertility issue, so I think it's a bias study!


6. My cousin adopted a baby, and then one year later, boom, she was pregnant!  
Well as happy as I am for your cousin, this is not a tested fact. Sometimes, it probably happens because the couple had a chance to get pregnant, but the chances were slim. To be honest, it probably was a miracle baby. One that Drs thought wouldn't really happen naturally.


7. Have you tried acupuncture - meditation - standing on your head after sex, etc.?  
Actually, I've thought about acupuncture, I have, but it's not something God has called me to try yet. Meditation? I am trying Yoga. Standing on my head? Nope, but if you really want to know, my bottom gets propped up on pillows like 30 minutes after sex? ...Have I tried pre-seed? Yup. How about tea? Yup, I've got some red raspberry leaf. Kind of tastes a little yucky, but I drink it to try to help sometimes. Have you tried taking prenatals now? Ok sweetie, I've been on prenatals since last July. That is almost a year coming up here soon. Have you tried Instead's Soft Cup? Actually, I've thought about it simply because of all the good reviews on this website. But how messed up is it to use a thing first meant for an alternative for tampons or pads as a method of conception?


8. I wish I had that problem!  
Really? This doesn't help me. At all. Thanks for reminding me of how infertile I am. And how many kids you have been blessed with.

Ok so maybe to some it seems as a vent (maybe it is?) but I'm just trying to inform people. These are things I do NOT want to hear. 

And for those that know what I'm going through, I've found a list on twoweekwait.com about "Things Nobody Ever Told Me..." I'll steal a couple for you to see...


 That I spent years trying not to get pregnant, and praying for my period. Now I can't seem to lose the witch!
That I wasted ALOT of money on Birth control pills and condoms!!
That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you. 
That I should have gone to medical school, because I've had to do so much medical research by now just to figure out what was wrong with me, I might as well be an M.D.
That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.
That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to ttc.
That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school.
That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen. 
That I would be happy to see abundant cervical fluid and tell my DH about it.
That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.
That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say.
That miscarriage would make me want a baby even more than before!




Some of them really make me giggle. Others make me nod in agreement, and some just seem a little too honest, to admit that I do have those feelings deep down (and obviously so do other women...).


Ok, I now hear James rolling around in bed starting to wake up. I've been awake for over an hour now. So I think I better get off this thing, do some laundry, and (MAYBE) get lucky seeing as AF hasn't shown up. And spotting is still randomly happening. Seriously though, it's coming...BFN time after time prove it. Sorry TMI...but if you know me in real life. And can read all about my cervical position and fluid and such, I think you can admit to the fact that we have sex, and that sex is where babies come from. If admitting this makes you a little queasy, you can just stop reading! lol Seriously anytime now...You're hooked aren't you? I knew it!


Have a lovely day, in spite of rain!

♥ Jess