Two Phone Calls

First Call
While waiting forever it seemed for the Dr to call back, a dear friend DeAnn called. You see, about a week or so ago, I emailed three leaders at our church about Mother's Day. And how I think somehow they need to include all mothers: those with children, those who have lost children, and those that have no children but are spiritual mothers. Our Pastor had an idea of having a panel of women on mothers day to give a testimony of their story. I am one of them. I know it will be filled with tears, unless God grants me the ability to hold them back until I am done. On the panel will be a "Grandmother", "Your Average Mom", Myself, and "Spiritual Mother" I tear up just thinking about how blessed I am to be in a church that will listen to your suggestions and do their best to fulfill them. I told them how much heartache mother's day causes me, and if it causes heartache to me...then I know there has to be other women in the church that it has done the same to, or is still doing the same to. I'm excited and nervous. If I hadn't been asked, I probably was going to skip church that Sunday. Seemed like too much to face. Now, I have hope & a purpose.

I asked James what he thought of it (after saying yes...whoopsies). And his response was, "I might disappear during that time." When I pushed, telling him, "You need to stay in there to give me support James." He replied, "I'm sitting in the back." So I asked again, "What do you think about it? If you don't want me to do it, I can call her back." His reply, "I don't care, it's going to be you crying in front of everyone." And he's true. I don't want to look like a blubbering idiot. But my pain is still real. In reality, I think he says these things because he doesn't want to cry at church either. He doesn't want everyone to know what we have gone through, because he knows the hurtful comments I've received from carefully choosing to tell people. Stepping out in front of the church opens ourselves up to comments galore. And questions month after month of if we are pregnant yet. I know we are making the right decision for Christ. Yet, my heart is fills up with fear and anxiety at the thought of facing these people & questions.

Second Call

Finally, middle of breakfast (yes I know 130pm at this point...we have messed up schedules, leave us alone!) my phone rings. I'm not going to lie, my stomach dropped. With nerves galore, did I make the right choice calling now? Ekk

The nurse asked me what was up, I gave her the low down, "I'm 2 days late, but because I chart I realize technically I could have ovulated a little late. But that's not truly my concern."
Pause, nurse asks, "So are you pregnant?"
Me: "No, I've taken several tests I'm pretty sure I'm not. But my question is. I've noticed a trend in my chart. I start spotting for my period 9 or 10 dpo. I know that your LP needs to be at least 10 days long for a healthy chance at implantation. So my question is, with this being a concern of mine, is there any way we can test my progesterone to see about Luteal Phase Defect?"
Nurse: "We only supplement progesterone when you are pregnant, and since you are not pregnant, we would not be able to give your progesterone."
Me: "So what about at least testing for LPD? I have PCOS, can't that mess up my quality of eggs, which in turn causes lower progesterone for pregnancy?"
Nurse: "We don't usually test your progesterone unless you are pregnant. But I can talk to Dr. Hawkins."
Me: "Well I remember talking to her about this once and she mentioned that I may have to go to a Reproductive Endocrinologist"
Nurse "I don't really have the answers for you. I can send her an email or you can set up an appointment.But I feel you will get more out of the 1 on 1 instead of with a middle man."
At this point I can see I am going to get no where unless I am face to face. "I'll make an appointment."

So tomorrow I have an appointment at 315. I'm sticking to my guns, she's not talking me out of it. I feel like they think I'm an idiot because I actually know what I'm talking about. Rather than the uninformed that they can just sweep under the rug. Look, I know my body. I'm my best advocate. And who in turn is paying for any test I want? ME so let me do it. I don't understand why they can't test for me, to at least see if I'm having an issue...and if I do then I'll go to a RE to get more answers and help.

I just feel like they don't even want to admit a LPD exists. And LPD is a common infertility problem. So tell me why an OB office wouldn't consider this and help women to avoid heartache? I don't get it. Completely baffles me.

I found and article on LPD and this is what it says, hitting the nail on the head...

How real is this diagnosis? 

Some physicians, even reproductive specialists, downplay the significance of LPD in their diagnosis and treatment decisions. It is generally thought that all women, fertile and subfertile, experience at least occasional cycles in which a short luteal phase is present. Also, many believe that when LPD is present in a cycle, it is the result of an egg that was compromised from the start (and hence, would have resulted in miscarriage or fetal anomaly if pregnancy occurred.)

With that in mind, if a woman believes that LPD is an issue in her fertility, she may need to be prepared to be a good self-advocate with her medical practitioners.

Ready for my opinion? If there is a potential problem either from miscarriage or inability to get pregnant. Do the stupid Progesterone Serum test 7dpo, check out the woman's follicle size via ultrasound, and Estradiol at midcycle. How hard is that? Seriously! Especially if a woman is being an advocate for her own health. 


P.S. I'm not going to lie, I have progesterone left over from my last miscarriage. I am tempted to take 1 or 2 a day following next ovulation just to see if I can get a sticky baby. My only concern that would hold me back from actually doing this would be the fact that then my progesterone levels would be higher if they tested, and even if I did need to stay on it, results could say I don't. *Rolls eyes* So I won't do it. But I am tempted, highly tempted.

Ok, now I need to get motivated. Gotta run a few errands and then nap before work tonight!