Being pregnant...holy toots. Self conscious. Like my belly doesn't get oogled enough. Now it's like...yup I know, I have Mount Vesuvius living on my chin...please don't stare at that too.
To top it off, I am still kind of at the awkward spot in pregnancy where I look pregnant...in certain clothing. Scrubs at work? Some of them show it, but most hide pretty well. Add uncomfortable stares at the belly region. People sometimes don't even say hi just stare at the belly to check to see if there really is a bump like photos show.
Both of these things are NOT good for self-esteem let me tell you. Especially for a woman that has struggled with feeling really beautiful at times (ok most of life...?). I know I shouldn't complain, and try to watch my wording because in NO way would I exchange these pitiful self esteem issues for the experience of this pregnancy. NO flipping way at all. I know I am utterly blessed. I know this is an experience many women are out there crying out to God asking, why not me? Begging and pleading that they will deal with pizza face, sausage fingers (which I thankfully do not have yet!!), crazy charlie horses in your groin, morning sickness lasting into the second trimester, and all of my other uncomfortable experiences if they got to experience pregnancy. Believe me, I know. I've been there. Which is why I feel guilty at times voicing my discomforts and true emotions. I guess such is the life of an infertile woman trying to go through pregnancy. *sigh*
I did take two pictures of my bump today in different outfits. Felt like I looked pregnant. And felt pretty in my dressy outfit. Only to try taking a 30 minute nap, instead...I woke up 3 hours later. Missed the jewelry party I was going to go to, so I decided to lay down for another nap. 2 hours later I finally woke up. Going to regret it tonight, but after 5 hours of sleep last night, I am thankful for the long nap.
I still feel some days my bump is obvious and other days it isn't. Today, it is definitely there. And (TMI) you know for sure your belly is growing when DTD and certain positions start to not be as comfortable, because your belly is in the way. I feel like there was something else I was going to write about but I seriously cannot remember, and this entry is plenty long enough as it is.
I lie, I remember. Today I have been feeling much more pressure in my lower abdomen. It makes me nervous, even though I am sure it is normal. I just think of preterm labor, bed rest, cervical issues...and the fact that my next dr appt isn't until the 27th. 11 days. Then I start to think about how I haven't felt the baby lately, which is also pretty normal for this stage...but it makes me a nervous Nelly. Especially adding in the pressure...gah. I told this little one mommy is ready for more movement and some sure kicks.
Random interesting fact: my uterus is now the size of a cantaloupe. Pretty darn amazing.
My acne has really gotten to new heights since getting pregnant. My back is completely covered and zits, and so is my chest - even part of my belly :( AND I do get the monthly period zits on top of my face being constantly in a state of breaking out, and I'm like... hey, face, don't you know I'm not getting a period? I guess our hormones are still fluctuating monthly somehow!
ReplyDeleteI remember being 17 weeks with Baby Jacob and feeling some good movement one day but not the next...I went into my anatomy ultrasound very nervous becuase I hadn't felt him in over 24 hours, but as we know he was there kicking around - like you said I think it is just pretty normal for this stage in the game.
ReplyDeleteAre you having any feelings whether it is a boy or a girl?