Baby Kicks from the outside...

I worked last night. I was starving, so I ate the amazing baked portabella mushrooms (sprinkled with evoo, steak seasoning and mozzerella) dipped in A1.

Oh boy, it is llike a weekly go to. Yum.

Sitting there and 15 min after eatting. I feel little nemo start squirming, rolling here and there. So I touch my belly and all the sudden feel...tap tap tap. "Hi mom!" Like, "That was good!" =)

Unbelieveable! Here's to hoping that becomes a regular thing and soon James will get to experience it. Because it was truly amazing. 19w6d today, so felt the kicks at 19w5d!!!

Over the moon. I felt the baby again today. Amazing. Kicks instead of rolling. I still feel baby rolling here and there.

And then of course baby always rolls and sits where it causes the cramping in groin. And then braxton hicks started up when I'm moving around at work. I missed calling the doctor today. Will have to do it tomorrow

And then later today I started experiencing uncomfortable-ness in my cervix area. Sometimes like a shooting pain other times pressure, other times it kind of makes me wonder if I have BV or something of that sort because I didn't show typical symptoms last time I had it. I am also wondering if cramping has something to do with any type of infection because my lymph nodes have been swollen. Basically I'm a worry wart...ball full of crazy...MESS!!

I fear going on bed rest. I fear losing this baby when I already love him/her so much. I fear so many things.

Yet I should know to not worry, the Bible tells me so! He knows the number of hairs on my head, so why worry about the life of my baby. Life is ultimately in God's hands....*sigh*

It is hard. Because I know what loss is like.

So tomorrow I am going to ask for another appointment for peace of mind. Have them check me over, make sure cervix is still strong. See if they can figure out why lymph nodes in neck are swollen (with no symptoms...) and talk to my doctor face to face and hear her say that my cervix is normal. That there is no funneling. That they will watch it more closely.

Baby...I love you more than I could ever fully imagine. I cannot wait to find out if you are my daughter, or son. It still feels like a dream to carry you to term, to hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep. To experience breast feeding. To see you falling asleep in your daddy's arms. To see his facial expressions when he sees you for the first time. To hear him talk to you. To one day hear your voice call us mom and dad. Right now, I can feel you moving about, like a gentle reassurance that everything will be okay. But please stay until you are strong enough to breath fully on your own, to stay out of the nicu, to be healthy and full term would be amazing. Be nice to mommy and help me to relax, stay away from my cervix until your head is preparing for (full term!!) birth. I love you sweetie, and cannot wait to meet you....Love Mommy.

♥ Jess