So, it's 10:00PM and I have homework due at midnight. I have absolutely no motivation right now. Today I experienced some cramps that almost had me asking to go home. Around 5pm I discovered why this was. I passed the "tissue" that the doctors always talk about. Meaning the sac of my baby. How sad and depressing it was sitting in the work bathroom seeing this. Life goes on, but it's too bad I cannot put it on hold. Homework is tugging at me, work is draining me, and I have no time to relax this weekend. Laura is getting married Saturday and James plays drums Sunday. I just want a day to relax with my husband, to cuddle and forget about the rest of the world for a little bit. Forget about bills from my two babies that are now in heaven. Oh my heart is broken. I cannot explain how much I just want to curl up and cry away a day. I am hurting and ready to be healed from this pain. Hopefully my hcg will have dropped to a no longer pregnant level and life can continue more normally as I heal. I do NOT want to have to go through cytotec again, or have to have a D&C.
While I have all these things on my mind, and yet more tears running down my cheeks....I have to go b.s. my way through homework. *sigh* Life goes on, even when you wish it would pause just enough time for you to take a relaxing moment to breath.
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
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