Today I had the ultrasound early. Yesterday I forgot to take my progesterone til it was 3.5 hours after scheduled time. 2 hours later after a bowel moment I had reddish-pink blood spotting. I laid down and no more happened until this morning with another bowel moment, this time is was pinkish-brown spotting. I am kind of crampy too, so it is a scary place to be. The ultrasound didn't show much growth, and no heartbeat. I am still keeping hope and continuing on for another week. Praying for more growth and visible heartbeat.
The doctor tried getting me to go off of lovenox because of "minimal growth, cramping, and spotting chances of losing this baby is very high" when I told her I'd prefer not to and give this baby a chance. Told her that I refuse to go off of lovenox until I am going off from my progesterone also, due to the fact of blood clot from birth control in past. She told me reasons she wished for me to go off was because of increase amt of bleeding, and finally agreed we could wait one more week, and stay on lovenox. Her conclusion to make it ok was because, "there's really not much there to pass anyways." I looked at her and tears started to flow. That is my baby. 6 weeks old, and I cannot protect or help his or her growth in any way. It's frustrating and scary. I told her about how I heard that heartbeats sometimes aren't visible until 7 or 8 weeks and would prefer to give my baby a chance. Finally she softened a little bit and said, "Though that isn't often the case. One more week won't hurt, and it will help you to know that the baby truly isn't viable."
I am staying hopeful and positive. I still have the baby within me growing, even if it is a little slower. Hopefully next week thursday will give better results.
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
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