Last night my trip to Meijer showed me the truth in this pregnancy. I wasn't late for meds this time, but I still bled with cramping and small clots. This pregnancy is going to end in miscarriage and I am going to have another baby in heaven. It makes James and I talk about how we need to wait. And makes my heart so much sadder because the timing of this child was going to be perfect for school timing, even though we hadn't figured out maternity leave and all of that jazz. Now, with having to wait until probably March or April to try again, which brings the time of delivery right before or during my first semester of Nursing (praying I get in). Looks like unless we choose to have a child while in school it will be another 2-2.5 years before I have another child growing inside of me. I am so incredibly sad when I think about the loss.
Yet, I also have to remind myself that God knows everything. My pain, and the reasons for this. It is keeping my hope alive, because He knows what is best for me and what the ultimate plan in my life is.
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
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