Taboo or Insensitive Comments?

It seems to me that the online community has gotten it right being open about more things than you are with close friends and even family. Why is it that some things are so taboo? Why is it that I feel like miscarriage seems to be something women have swept under a rug and pretend that it doesn’t happen that often? Or that it doesn’t hurt? It doesn’t make sense to me. And if it’s not specifically taboo, then there has to be another reason. I think the reason that it is not talked about is how friends and families react to the hurting woman. My heart cries out daily at the thought of my loss. I don’t know how many speechless replies I have gotten, whether they are via text or face to face. Hint: do not be speechless! Give a hug; say I’m so sorry for your loss; I’m here for you. Tell me you are praying. Do NOT say you understand if you haven’t been through it, and do not be unsympathetic if you haven’t been through it. Because knowing someone has had a miscarriage will make you turn to them if you ever experience the same thing. If it’s not speechlessness, maybe instead it is the insensitive comments. Hint: Do NOT say get over it. Or you can try again soon. The loss is real. If you are a mom or a parent…imagine losing your child. But the good thing is you have memories and pictures. Women that loose their child in the womb have dreams that will never be filled and the ache of empty arms and the missing feeling of not being a mother, especially if they do not have a child yet. And further more, if you know that someone is trying to conceive do not ask them every month if they have been successful yet. It’s another thing to tell them you are praying.

Experiencing two miscarriages makes life so hard. You see so many happy little families that do not seem grateful for their blessing. You see so many more pregnant bellies, and your heart aches whenever going past the baby aisle in any store. To add to this, the same thing is when you are trying to conceive. Every month a negative pregnancy test or your period comes your feel like a failure; your heart breaks more and more each month. Especially as the want to be a mother gets greater and greater. Add even further to this is both of these women on Mother’s Day. It is the worst day in a woman’s life who wants to be a mother but isn’t yet. Sit through sermons of praise for women with children, as you sit there reminded of your ache and empty arms. It hits you right in your face. As do the comments of other mom’s complaining about their lives. Don’t blatantly complain about changing poopy diapers, being tired from lack of sleep, having to take children to daycare, the cost of children, or losing time being a couple. Because I will tell you what, I will graciously trade you this pain I am going through for the “inconvenience” of having a child. I am TIRED of taking temps every morning, working at a daycare and having kids accidently call me mommy on occasion. I am SICK of paying for more tests and medicine to try to make a pregnancy stick. And I would love to experience being a family with a child rather than just a couple. Sorry that was my vent on that.

It’s not that I want to not hear you update me about your life, I understand they are your struggles. What I am trying to say is be sensitive. It’s a slap in the face hearing women complain about things when it adds to your pain because it makes you so angry and hurt. There is so much more I could say and add to this, but I am trying to filter and have said enough. My heart is aching and tired. Yet, I will remain hopeful. The pain of having a miscarriage does not overpower the hope and dreams of being a mother.