Honesty.

These past few days I have been feeling some cramping near ovaries. First my right. And I thought, well at least I need not worry about pregnancy because my right one isn't hooked up.

Then my left ovary started aching. And aching. And holy ewcm. I knew I was ovulating, no opks needed. Still I knew pregnancy wasn't something I should probably worry about because with everything going on (M moving in, finishing my BV meds, etc) we hadn't had time to be intimate.

TMI alert:
James was conserned our bed would be too loud (ok. Maybe the noises that come with sex as well LOL hahaha) but then it happened. Not once but twice in one night. THAT my dear friends hasn't happened for several years.

So now the hope is alive. And consequences be damned. I would love a christmas miracle. 50% chance of miscarriage or not, the laughing monkey on my belly and heart full of prayer is where I am at. I have the great physician as my God. If he wills it to happen, medical findings won't matter.

I am still so disgusted and angry towards my aunt. And I am wishing for the best holiday we can have. My cousin A needs family but I don't know if we can deal with her mom. The christian part of me says we need to, just so we can allow her to see the light of it all. But the wordly part of me wants to hit her upside the head with a cast iron frying pan. Or a metal chair. Like on wrestling. Because honestly, she deserves it.

Then God reminds me, really? And what about your salvation? My grace? My Mercy? Do you deserve that? Um....(insert awkward stalling silence) no I don't. So while I 100% believe at this moment my aunt should NOT have her daughter, and I do believe my mom would be the best choice...(and that she should be hit upside the head by God and I) I do know that she needs prayer, mental help, and to be shown love. Even if I whole heartedly don't feel like it.

And that too kind of pisses me off.

So merry friggen christmas. Bah hum bug.