Slacking...

Oh am I slacking.

In school I am now worried about not passing because of the stupid "cheating" incident. Which by the way is now going on my permanent academic record or I can fight it. Really? Fight it during end of term crunch time? Um, probably not happening.

For my best friend's wedding I am slacking as well. Yes, my dress is bought and hanging in my closet. But now I am wondering how well it is going to fit me at that point and time. I haven't ordered my shoes yet either.

And about the bridal shower May 19th...should probably order those invites today so I can send them out next week. I have nothing planned for that.

And the bachelorette party? Oiy. I am thinking the two weeks between summer and this semester will be filled with work and wedding stuff!

Also, today is a day where I could almost forget I am pregnant (not that I could!!). I have some cramps, fatigue, sore tatas/nips, and heightened sense of smell but that is about it. It doesn't seem real, like a big dream. And lack of symptoms makes my brain start to wander where I do not want it to.

I am still trying to relax and lean on God. These cramps do concern me though at times...mind starts to wander to ectopic pregnancies, miscarriages of past, and then I try to find comfort in the fact that my mom said she cramped quite badly with me, and she didnt really have morning sickness. Maybe I will get that lucky.

But for now, it just seems surreal...like I am dreaming and will soon wake up only to find I am still in ttc mode.

I will be honest, I have been afraid to write in my pregnancy (/missing you babies) journal that I have pretty much right away every other time. Just because I do not want to jinx it. Or end up filling it with more sadness. How pathetic is that?

I am a mess. That is all I know. Please forgive me if this seems disconnected and rubish...because my brain is fried.