The Countdown is On.

T minus 26 hours until we head out for Mackinaw. I am excited for a whole 4 days with just James and me. For the memories that will be formed between the two of us on this trip.

I have decided I have no expectations. If it is rainy and cold we will buy and umbrella and go for a walk in the rain or cuddle up and watch movies. If it is beautiful out, all the better.

One thing I do hope for though...for prayer to happen. At night in those precious moments before sleeping. When we have our meals together. I hope for some small devotions. And maybe some good photo ops. I don't think this is too much to hope and dream for.

On the count down subject. 26 hours until we leave home. About 4.5-5 hours after that we will reach our destination. 3 more days of Clomid. 26 days until AF is due. 11 days until ovulation, if it is the same on this dose. Which reminds me...I need to pick up some OPKs. Less than a month until I know if I have to do Clomid round #3, if I am in the nursing program, for the spring. Less than a week from Sam's due date, his/her estimated arrival. My baby could have been in my arms now.

But they are still achey and empty. And my heart is stirring, begining to be filled with more hope and prayer.  Once again, filled with dreams. I can't wait to meet my children. My babies. I am a mother.

My husband and I were talking with friends about our miscarriages. He told them, "I don't know how many babies will be waiting for us in Heaven when we get there. But I can't wait to meet them." He is right. I think he gets it. He is a dad. Just as I am a mom.

On the notes of those friends, we have been asked to be part of their son's dedication. To be placed in the will for his guardianship should something happen to the two of them. We feel so honored. They told us that we are the only people that they could think of that would raise their son the way they would want, that will give him what he needed, and would stand beside them in good times and bad.

To hear someone say those things about you...well it makes me cry. I am a good person. Even if at times I turn green with envy or red with anger. I am not perfect, not without flaw. But, I am a good choice to be a makeshift mommy if something should ever happen to our friends. I say that makes me a good person. A good woman. A good friend. A good wife. A good sister.

I am jumping all over the place here, but I have been moody as all get out. Cranky one minute, crying the next. I think it is the Clomid. And maybe lack of sleep. It doesn't matter though, through it God is once again shaping my heart. Knocking on the door, and asking me to drop every misconception and follow him.