Ok so I will be honest I am tired of being angry, bitter, and full of anxiety and lack of patience.
I get irritated so easily lately it is ridiculous. When I got into my follow up doctor appointment this month I am going to ask about pregnancy safe anxiety meds. I think I need them. I think it would help the blood pressure from stress/worrying, and I think I would sleep better.
On other quite grotesque and embarrassing news I have been showing signs of BV again, magically after we BD'd. So I google, of course, and it leads me to the possibility of a sperm allergy. Seriously? I have wondered before just because everything else is crazy with me, why not add that to the mix too! So if I still have BV type symptoms (it still disgusts me to think about...but at least don't get the fishy smell that is typical of BV....Gross!) I will bring it up on my follow up appointment. I wish they could move it up sooner but they are saving those spots for "OB patients" Thanks. That's nice to tell infertile messed up uterus me.
I started the nursing program yesterday. And I am still super anxious. I have so much reading to do tonight it isn't funny.
And to top it all off I need to go up to DHS to ask for "Ineligible Grantee Funds" for M. This whole case is a disaster. Want to know why the rape kit on A wasn't done within the first 72 hours? It is because no one reported the actual date of the sexual abuse. Seriously? I assumed it has been told that it was that weekend. This whole situation pisses me off. I get so stressed out and anxious because N isn't in prison yet and Aunt K is in la la land believing now that the molestation never happened because the rape kit shows "all structures normal".
Your daughter admitted to it! Seriously, you are going to choose your husband over your children? Shoot me now!
And my Mom called and my little sister got head lice from Aunt K's house yesterday. And to top it off Jo rubbed her head on me so now I am freaking out about head lice and have to buy a bottle to treat myself. While washing our bedding and freaking out about it being on my pillows.
Overall, I wish I could back to mid December and have a do over. Seriously...where are those anxiety meds? I may need a drink if I don't get some! I did 15 minutes of Yoga and 15 minutes of Zumba 2 days ago and it was wonderful, and even got me a bit sore. I should go do something constructive so I can leave home before 4:00 to try to head into town to DHS.
Gahh! I give up!!!!!! I am so stressed it is ridiculous!
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
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