After my storm of crazy emotions I cried for awhile, got in a tiff with James, and then took a relaxing bath. Texted a friend, she gave me kind works and encouragement. Said it will feel like days I can't get through, but I will. And she is right. I will make it.
Seeing that pink spotting shame me every month is so hard. I cannot imagine going through this in ancient times. Now we have medicine mixed with prayer. Where at least you can have answers to help you focus your prayers. And I know we are not looked down upon by God through this infertility problem. We can adopt, back then you couldn't. Well sort of, but by your husband taking on another wife. I am too jealous to even begin to fathom what that would have been like. I would be crushed all the time, and probably would actually start to grow snakes out of my head due to my medusa like stare I'd give the other woman! haha
Anyways, After relaxing I looked deeper into foster parenting. At the kids that are ready for adoption now. So many are older. I think when James and I are older we will adopt an older child, but for now I think the age gap would be a little too close. I saw a few little cuties that tugged on my heart strings. One of them was Jacob. Isn't he adorable?
Because James works 2nd shift we have to do a 1 on 1 training to become foster parents because nothing is offered in the morning or on the weekends (and truly James doesn't want to give up one of his last 4 vacation days...). Hopefully this will be soon! We are going to get a packet in the mail to look over, then have to call and set up appointment with the lady at DHS. We were going to go through fcsource in Battle Creek. But decided Charlotte is a lot closer to home. ANYWAYS, I asked the lady how long the process would be, and how soon after licensing did families get children. It's 12-16 weeks to finish the course & get licensed. After that most families get a call within the first week for a child to be placed in their home.
One thing, no guarantees if we can adopt whatever child God brings us. But I think it will be good. No matter how hard it will be to say good bye if one ends up going home to his or her parents, it will be worth it. At least I will have a little face to pray for. To feel what it likes to be a mom for awhile =D *Even though via baby-sitting I pretty much am sure I already now...*
I'm glad I weathered the storm and feel a little better through the healing of tears. As for now, a nap is needed!
♥ Jess
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
I bet that as soon as you start fostering, and really being a mommy figure, you guys will get pregnant. My mom was told that she could never have children. She adopted my sister and I, and 8 years after she stopped taking birth control, she had two biological children. I know that it's difficult to keep it off your mind when you want to be a mommy so badly. But you need to let go and let god. Fully. It will happen.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, I don't have a problem getting pregnant. It's the staying pregnant that is the problem. I've gotten pregnant twice in the past 10 months.
ReplyDeleteDid your mom have unexplained infertility? often times women do get pregnant after years like that and it is truly a miracle. But, there is no correlation between adopting or fostering and then getting pregnant. I hear the stereotypical remarks and it does sometimes make me hopeful. Yet, I don't want our children to think, "Mom adopted me so I would be her good luck charm to get pregnant" Because that simply isn't the case! =)
And as keeping my mind off of it. That's the difficult part. I have to go on blood thinners as soon as I get a positive test, the sooner the better. And probably will have to be put on prometrium to hold the baby in due to egg issue. I'm stuck at a place waiting for God to move, but also needing to watch out for pregnancy. I either need to be trying or not trying. I can't just float on by. =(