I just finished watching the documentary, "The Business of Being Born". And watching it has brought up various questions within me, and I'm not even at a stage in my life where I should worry about such things. But I've always been a planner, so here I am: pondering all things birth experience. Like the fact that I yearn to be able to experience birth without being tied down to an IV and a bed. Without pain meds, trusting my body to do what so many women before me have done. Some doctors say that they think it is simply an ego trip women want to experience. But I don't think it is just that. There are chemicals (they call them a love cocktail!) that pour out into your body when you deliver, and these chemicals do not happen as nature intended when pictocin is used. And where are we without love. It makes me wonder if that is where parenting has gone down the tubes.
In a society that c-sections can be elective, with a % so high that frightens me to think about. 1 in 3 births in a hospital are c-section. I don't want to be that 1. Heck, I don't even know if I want to be one of the 3 in the hospital. Especially if I can't take advantage of moving when laboring, or using a hot tub instead of laying in a bed. And what about a birthing chair? I really think it would be advantageous for the woman. The only down fall that I saw was a bigger risk of tearing. Yet, for the doctor it means having to crouch down to see what is going on. So of course it isn't really readily available in most hospitals in America. *rolls eyes*
How is it that we are second on the list for infant mortality rate and first on the list for most c-sections. Are we really that more "high risk" than other countries? Maybe, but maybe there are just more women that care to have a "designer birth" where a c-section is done and the immediately after so is a tummy tuck. And maybe putting these children through that risk is far to great compared to natural delivery that waits on the woman. I understand there are instances where c-section is the best route of action, but I am completely all for a woman trying to labor naturally.
But here is where my wondering comes into play. With my high blood pressure I would be considered high risk already. I've had two miscarriages. I have a clotting disorder. Am I screwed and going to have to be hooked up to an IV? That terrifies me. And what if I get pregnant on fertility medicine? Is this another strike against me? These are things that plague my mind at the moment. At the moment I am 3dpo and wondering about all things pregnancy. When will I get pregnant? When I get pregnant will I miscarry again? Will I have a good pregnancy? I don't know. Only God does. And that my friends is a struggle at times.
I have cramps with lets me know I probably will be seeing AF in about 11 days or so. boo....
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
I'm so sorry about your loss. You certainly have some decisions to make that are really tough. After a lot of unnecessary intervention in the hospital we've decided on a home birth with our third baby coming this july. I tested positive for step culture group b test with all my children, which means penacilin in an iv while in labor, but I refused. I know how hard it can b to make decisions that are not main stream. May God give u grace and peace, and supernatural wisdom in the choices ahead. He is the last word. Much love!
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