March Heatwave!

I officially am not wearing a jacket of any sort.

The sun is shining on my skin, and the Son has lightened my spirit and soul today.

I am at the place where, I may cry...but I can still count my blessings. I might get angry...but I remind myself not to get bitter. I may cry out to God...but I do not curse Him.

I am thankful for my husband. For his openess with me. We were laying in bed last night, listening to worship music, when I snuggled up to his arm and said, "Sometimess I just start crying out of no where."
He replied, "Me too."
"Sometimes it is a song that gets me, a random thought, seeing something on TV, seeing a little one, people talk about their kids..."
"Me too Jess. Like those stupid baby shows."
"Yeah, but you only watch those when I make you."
"Nope, for some reason today I just started watching it...I don't know why."
"Because you're sad James, because you have hope. You feel like you are missing out on that experience."
Quiet.
"James I am so sorry, I really thought this time was going to be it..."
"Me too babe, me too."

Baby fever much? Even my husband has watched A Baby Story, without me. He would probably be embarassed if he knew I told you, but it shows how ready we both feel to have kids. And to be honest it breaks my heart.

I really feel like one day we will get to experience pregnancy in a good light, the hope in me says so. It is entirely up to God as to when that will happen.

A friend told me yesterday that she thinks our hearts will love a baby no matter where it comes from, because that is who we are. And she is right. We love our friends kids like they are our own, the kids at the daycare I used to work at...they still cross my mind. They are not our children, but my heart loves them like they could be.

I cannot wait to see James and me as parents. To see our children grow up strong in the Lord, and the never question if they were wanted.

My unborn babies, you are wanted and loved. Prayed for and dreamed about. God knows when you will enter our lives, whether you will be biologically connected or come to know us as Mommy and Daddy through adoption. We cry out for missing you, and we havent even met yet. We have toiled and felt too much pain already on this journey to meet you, but we will not give up. We will persevere, because you are far to important to give up on.

Jess.