Hoping for a Dream Come True.

Often I wonder what it will be like if when (trying to remain Hopeful!) my dream comes true. When I will get to see a DARK pregnancy test. When I will get to see a little baby with it's heart beating. When I will be anxiously waiting for me to turn 13 weeks so we can shout it out to everyone I know, "I am pregnant!" To see the joy on James's face when he is able to tell people with pride, "Jess is pregnant! We are expecting in xxx." To have dates marked on the calendar that will bring joy instead of sadness. To be able to write in my pregnancy journal happy thoughts and updates instead of ponderings and hopes.

To bust out that tote of maternity clothes. To see my belly grow round and beautiful. To get to feel my child move within my womb. Better yet, to see my child push my belly around like I have an alien inside of me. To be surprised at delivery. To find out if that huge box of boy clothes will be right up our ally, or something that we will hold onto for next time. To have our nursery set up. Go to baby showers. Have people fondle my belly like I have done so many other women. To see the excitement on our friends faces. To have the peace that God is in control. TO BE PREGNANT! To BRING HOME that child! Oh the dreams make my heart start to sing. They bring a half smile to my face...

Because after all, right now these are all dreams. And sometimes I feel like my dreams let me down. I get false hope. And then my heart breaks into that many more pieces.

Currently I am 6dpo and I have cramps. Just like every other cycle. Praying for spotting to at least stay away and allow me to cling to hope a bit longer. Usually spotting will start within the next 1-3 days. *sigh* So either I will get excitement in the next couple of weeks due to a BFP, or I will be cautiously excited for my first round of clomid. Which, I have decided for sure, we are only going to use for 3 months at this time.