When Leaning on Music Backfires

I am a very musically inclined person; I love worship music. I love pouring my heart out to God, arms wide open, and heart full of praise, prayer, thankfulness, and just with every ounce of my soul.

The downfall? When going through my miscarriages I pretty much had my own sound track that got me through. That allowed me to cry out to Jesus while in pain. To help myself remember there is light even in darkness and hope even in the midst of pain. The downfall in this? Hearing the songs. Now. After another loss. When trying to keep hopeful.

When still hearing people say, "it will happen, it's just not time yet." And it makes me want to say, "really? So instead it is time for heartache and loss?" How would that make you feel if it were reversed situations and instead of beating around the bush I gave you a speech about the seasons of life, a time to live a time to die, yada yada yada.  I realize this is true, but it is not helpful to my heart.

Instead maybe you should listen to thumper's mom in Bambi, "If you don't have something nice to say, it's better to say nothing at all."
Instead, ask if there is anything to pray about for us, and if we open up great! If not then still pray. Pick up little things, about blood work results. Oh she's having issues ovulating? "God help her ovaries to produce fertile healthy eggs. Help her corpus luteum to live long enough to produce the progesterone for baby to grow." Simple as that. Miscarriages in general? For healthy chromosomes, healthy uterine lining, healthy hormones, for the ttc momma to be healthy in general. Or maybe for God to heal the couple, or to accept being a family of 2 if it looks like that is what is happening. Or for their future adoptive children.

I am praying for our adoptive children, the babies that I may conceive. I randomly thought of the name Lucy awhile back. I don't know exactly who I prayed for or how we will know her if we will know her. But James said, "if Lucy is our first placement for foster care I might be a little shocked!" Renee reminded him that it could be anyone, maybe our son's future wife. A daughter. Who knows. All I know is I was prompted to pray! And it was so strong!

Anyways, this post has turned a little off topic, sorry! But I will add links to the music I fell in love with when miscarrying. The sad thing is, they are always on the radio. And when I hear them it makes me wonder if God is preparing me to miscarry again. And again this month, the thought was true. Frustrating. I am thinking maybe I need a soundtrack for hope. Any song recommendations?

Have a good day, I will I have the night off. Sleep is calling. And a little fun time. Going with Jenny (best friend) to pick up her wedding dress AND try on more bridesmaid dresses. *even though I am not ordering until December so I know whether or not I will be large and with child -SO hopeful that I will be or that I will give birth before- *

Jess