Struggle

There is a struggle in my soul.
One of doubt.
Of consequences, cause and effect.
Regret.

How to push forward.
To make the right choice.
To know what is the right path.
To find God's truth.
And freedom.

To find God.
To hear His quiet answer.
From the blatant NO to the quiet yes
From the loud yes, to the questioning no.

How do I move forward?
How do I hear his call?
His answer?
How do I trust him...
when I don't even trust myself?
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My struggles are do I push forward with trying for children? Or do I accept that now isn't God's timing?

Do I believe that God wants us to keep trying or that I am just envious and craving after what others have?

Or do I believe that the devil wants us to stop because we will make great parents? What do I believe? Because how I believe, what question I answer with yes dictates our forward move.

Further yet, do I sign for the full time third shift position? 10 days in 2 weeks. Set schedule. But what about if I get into nursing school? Do I pass it up? What if I don't get in and kick myself for not signing? Ugh. I hate this. Hate the debate and self doubt I have.

And still no AF still BFN.