Today I am a cloud of doom and gloom.
First I log on to check my email and I get one that says my financial aid payment has increased from 380 to 780 for 2 months. I log on to my school website and low and behold suddenly I don't have financial aid any more? WTH? So I looked and I did my entrance quiz so who knows if my school will fix it before my first payment is due and my acct is drawn into the negative December 5th (seriously I have 12 days to get this fixed and either get my financial aid figured out or find 780 dollars some how...that is more than our house payment!)
Secondly I feel excited for women getting their BFP or good news but then I have this moment of depression for myself. It makes me start thinking that it will never happen for me, that life isn't fair, yada yada yada...negative Nancy I know. I try to change my stinkin' thinkin' but I am SUCKING at it lately.
Thirdly, I seriously had a discussion with my husband last night about going back to TTC simply so we can have sex on a set schedule instead of him being tired or making up excuses because our schedules don't line up. We made it work when TTC but now that we aren't it doesn't. I don't think so, NOT working for me. Ok so I am being a b word about it. I sometimes do think if there is something wrong with James for me to have a bigger sex drive than him. Stupid PCOS.
I am stressed out. Stupid MONEY. We stopped TTC because of money, if financial aid doesn't go through I will have to not go to school because of money. I HATE money. This isn't right, gah I am so ready for once to have one thing work out smooth without too many hiccups.
Lastly, on a whim I decided to get my hair cut last night by a friend. M came over and watched "Once Upon a Time" with me, followed by "Last Man Standing" and "New Girl". At least these shows make me feel good with laughter and their plot lines. An escape for me I suppose. I now have small swoop bangs that are really more like a shorter layer to my plethora of layers. My curls are back! And my hair feels so much lighter. At least I have one thing going for me.
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
I wish I had the money to send to you.
ReplyDeletePlease post a pic of your hair I really wanna see it.