Emotional Moments.

I have a confession to make: I watch Sister Wives. It is a guilty pleasure. I used to say it is like a horrible train wreck, you want to look away but you can't. I don't agree with multiple wives, but think the large family is amazing. I could never participate in that relationship, I am too jealous of a person.

On the last episode of Sister Wives Robyn had her baby. I cried and cried at that moment. But then Robyn offered to be Meri's surrogate for her and Kody. Kody and Meri have been married for 20 years and have one child together. She has fertility issues. Kody told her he was willing for them to go through with IVF but she said no. The possibility of a surrogate really will make her question I bet.

Then I had a thought about my sister-in-laws. Jessi is pregnant, and Amy and Laura are trying. How amazing would it be if God blessed all of us with 2012 babies. I would love to experience pregnancy with all of them. What a joy to bring us ALL closer together. I will be honest, I may struggle if they all get pregnant and I am the lonely only. BUT I have a BIG God. And feel like this could be accomplished in Jesus Christ's will for our lives.

I have asked James to pray for this blessing to come to pass, and I am going to ask you to do the same.

I can remember when Jessi had Graysi and Amy had Molli telling Laura I felt like James and I were going to be the last to have kids after they were already done, and then all of my future babies' cousins would be much older than them. It is my wish for my children to grow up in a close knit fun loving relationship with aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. I fear that the bigger the gap the harder it will be.

Before I go, I wanted to share a poem I wrote before James and I even decided to go ahead and start trying. Before I knew I had PCOS. Before we knew the ache and pain of loss. Innocence and prayer filled my heart that day, just as tears fill my eyes, and hope and prayers fill up my heart today.

Here it is:

You Are Loved

My heart cries out
Wanting fulfillment.
I've loved you already
And you aren't even here.
Not in my womb,
Not on this Earth.
But Jesus knows you.
And in my heart I pray.
I pray for your future,
For us to be good parents,
Your health and protection.
I've loved you already,
And only Jesus knows
When that time will come,
When I'll get to meet you,
Hear you heart beat,
Feel the tiny butterflies
As you move about inside.
Daddy already loves you.
And says I'll be a good Mommy.
But until you are here...
I shall wait for God.
For God's perfect timing.
For the cries of our hearts
To reach God's ears and be answered.
You're not even here yet...
And already you are so loved.