Little Bit About Me

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First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.

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CAUTION

All writing in this blog is unedited and 100% from what I am feeling at the time. By continuing to read it means that you will take my vents with a grain of salt. You will choose to not take offense. And most of all, if you know me in real life you will either choose to stop reading or keep the knowledge of this blog quiet, and privately allow me to know you are reading. I only share this information with close friends. I do not share this with facebook for a purpose: it is meant to be semi-private. Not "public" knowledge in the sense of the majority of those in real life knowing about it. If you can accept all that has been stated, sit back, grab a box of tissues, and be prepared to endure the rocky road of trying to conceive while trying to get out of the shadows of infertility.

If you have any private questions or concerns you may contact me at mynotesonttc at gmail.com



♥

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Possibly, Maybe? Nope, Don't Get Too Excited.

11/30 - I took a three tests today. One looks very fainly positive, and other two negative. I am hoping for the first frer to be true. I saw it and did a double fist pump, yes...I was on the potty when I did this. Get a good humorous image. Laugh, and then do what I did...tear up! I am 10dpo

12/1 - I took two more tests, and I am thinking yesterdays were evaps. the frer test still has color on the outside of where the line should have been but nothing in the middle. The wondolf was a stark white BFN. 11dpo

12/2 - I took another test. I am out of frer. The wondolf was BFN. 12dpo. AND now AF type cramps are coming.

Stupid evil evaps. Conclusion? AF should be here by Wednesday. My bbs and n.ipples are sore. But the nip added now makes me think AF bc it is late in cycle. We shall see.

I really thought this month I was going to conceive. I just had this feeling deep within my heart. But feelings can be wrong I suppose.

BLAH.

Also, a Jack update...after the teeth escapade. He had uncontrollable diarrhea. Let's just say I didn't know he wasn't feeling well and left him out of kennel like I normally do. And now I have to clean my carpets this weekend. THEN when the runny poopy went away my husband noticed a worm in his formed poopy. That is right. I had to go BACK to the vet because he had tape worm. Shoot me now!

Back to my disappointment. I hadn't posted on here about it bc I had dreams of telling people on Christmas. Or waiting until valentines. I really wanted my Christmas wish. I wanted to see a heart beat and share the news with family. But alas, false hope. Like always. Why is it in the beginning it took 3 months to get pregnant. And I didn't get pregnant any month of clomid. It has been 5 cycles since my chem in June. And before that my last miscarriage was in January. That is a LONG flipping time.

God, why the long wait to bless us? How depressing it is. I see others get BFPs and truly get happy for them. But then I start to feel sad because it still hasn't happened for us. It has been a year since my first miscarriage and we still don't have our take home baby.  I am at my wits end Lord, and I truly need to hear your voice in all of this.

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2 comments:

  1. LoryDecember 2, 2011 at 2:58 PM

    I say go get a FRER and test again.
    I had problems with IC tests but never FRER. The only lines i got...even faint were BFP. I've had the color outside the line too.
    I have had a couple chemicals but the lines don't lie.
    Test again :)
    I will be praying for great results

    ReplyDelete
  2. JessDecember 2, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    I will buy some more FRER when if AF doesn't come Tuesday. OR if I magically get some color on IC tests. I wish I wouldn't have bought the ones I did and went with early-pregnancy-tests.com instead. I liked theirs a bunch.

    I kind of wondered if it was a chemical, but I didn't get blood work so we will never know for sure!

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