Cleaning & Thoughts on TTC

I have been in the cleaning sort of mood.

My house.
Facebook friends.

Seriously. I am sick of clutter at home. Sick of nothing being on the walls yet, in spite of almost living here a year.

As per facebook friends? I am sick of status updates that offend me off, sick of having friends on facebook that aren't my friends in true life.

So I have a plan for both. For facebook, I have deleted those "friends" that drive me nuts. And as per my house...I have a list through the end of November, one that will make my house be in tip top organized shape...or at least be more homey. My ultimate goal is to have it cleaned before I start class in January. And to be honest this cleaning and organizing reminds me of nesting for pregnant women. Except, I'm not pregnant. Yet. I am hopeful.

And then maybe I can truly call this cleaning spree nesting.

One other note, I never saw a positive OPK. So I changed my mind my progesterone test will be done on the 21st. The day the doctor initially wanted me to do it. Who knows. We have done all we can do. We have BD'd every other day. We have used the conceive plus (which I REALLY like by the way, I am sure I have said this before). I have put up my bottom for a bit after sex, and also used the instead cups. Not to mention I have dealt with the metformin (and the queasiness due to it...and because of this my doctor said I can jump down to the lesser dose). And now the doctor wants me to get an HSG. I am praying and hoping that we do not need to. We shall see, I know that the chance of pregnancy goes up the 3 months afterward.

But honestly, with winter here (facing the facts...it will be here soon) and the cost of fuel. The fact that we want to get a pellet stove. The fact that we do not have a savings at the moment. All of these things make a 400-500 dollar test kind of impractical. And would now be the time to go for it? 3 months after I would be more fertile. If by chance we did it next month, that means November, December, and January. Extending my month of ttc.

So currently, I do not know what we will do. I would rather wait to do the test. Probably until we can ttc again and use the full 3 months. I can't tell you if it will 100% be when I am in the nursing program. Or when done, or when almost done. Or if we will continue ttc. I haven't got a peace of when this is supposed to happen, and I am hoping it is because God is going to bless us this month. If so my due date would be early July. Which would be the middle of my second semester in nursing school. BUT, I would be out of my first trimester December 31st, before nursing school. I would be more comfortable telling the world. I would be more so out of the woods for the scary m word. (I'm assuming you can guess that word...miscarriage). I would also get to hear the heart beat before my birthday. That would be amazing.

Would I be okay with having to wait a year to continue? Yes. But I am hoping that I would be okay. She-who-must-not-be-named told me that the instructors worked with the girls in her nursing class that had babies in class. Being a pretty good student, I would think most instructors would work with me. I will cross that road when  if I get there I suppose.

Want to know something else? When we first started ttc it was on our terms. We wanted a baby before I started nursing school. And to have our second when I was done. We had a plan. Just like people would say that they want to avoid having babies at a certain time. Avoiding certain months, or shooting for a specific birth month. Just like people that specifically try for one sex or another...and succeed. We all have plans. Plans that don't always happen the way we wish. And my plans now? Is there really any? Not really. It is all unknown, it's all in God's hands. Now I just crave for pregnancy. I don't care if it means that I need to procrastinate on school that I have been waiting on for 5 years already (ok so the first 3-4were spent being indecisive...). I don't care if it means being the biggest roundest part of pregnancy in the sweltering Michigan heat. I don't care if it means puking, constipation, and nausea during nursing classes. Or having a post pregnancy bump in my best friend's wedding. Or having to exchange bridesmaid dress last minute. Life goes on. God has a plan, and I can't change it. 

What I can change is the cleanliness of my house. I can fold the huge pile of laundry. Make sure our wedding pictures get put up on our walls. Give away some of the baby clothes that have been waiting for close to six months now for a possible baby. Things have to change.

♥ Jess