Cramps galore. Tears uncontrollable throughout the day. And a missed day of work.
I called in, I wouldn't be able to function today. My 800 ibuprofen isn't touching the cramps. And the flow is heavy. Not to mention my emotions.
Not fun.
I am ready to experience a healthy pregnancy, to have hope. To know that God is truly listening to my prayers and the cries of my heart. Maybe it will be luck number 15. 15th cycle of ttc. Fifteen.
I remember when my good friend was at 15 months, and thinking I don't know how she does it. Now? She is closing in on the 2 year mark and I am where she was. And still...both of us are left waiting on God. She is thinking about starting an infertility small group. That would be sooooo good for James and I. To have couples that fully understand and to talk to face to face.
I am struggling. Struggling to hold onto God after my fingers had been slipping away. Struggling to hold onto hope because it has been dropped in the mud so many times.
To top it off my letter from the RN department didn't come today. I couldn't have taken more bad news today, so I wonder if God is protecting me. And if so...it makes me wonder what the heck my letter actually says.
I have laundry to do and things to order off from amazon. Do I want to do either of them? No I'd rather sit here and no do a single thing...but that won't get me anywhere.
Often things strike my heart and want to come bursting forth. They come spilling out onto the page, or computer screen. With ink filling pages or my fingers flying across the keyboard, my mind going a million miles a minute, and my heart crying out to be heard. Here is where you’ll find those things, my little notes on life.
Little Bit About Me
- Jess
- First and foremost, I am a Christian woman: I love Jesus! In this blog you will find stories of trying to conceive with PCOS, MTHFR, Poor egg quality, a unicornuate uteterus, and too many babies in heaven. It is a good thing God is the ultimate healer! Here you will find praise! and you may also find venting (I'm not perfect...) and you will find other stories of my crazy life. All the while through this journey I am holding on to scripture & hoping to one day be a mother here on Earth (waiting on God & His perfect timing...why am I so impatient?) But in the meantime, here you will find me: Jessica, loving wife, hopeful heart of a mother, and faithful friend.
I'm so sorry! :( I was really hoping this was going to be it for you. :(
ReplyDeleteAs far as the letter, they just mailed them out on Friday, so hopefully you will get it Monday. It was probably routed through the post office through L or something stupid like that. I got my financial aid check yesterday, but I live a lot closer then you.
Well my comment didn't post earlier...whoops. I was told by the selective admissions department first rounds were sent out 4 days ago, 2nd round of letters 3 days ago. Maybe they told me wrong information. I used to get my checks on Saturdays. I will have to check in laws to see if it somehow went there instead. I am pretty sick of waiting, but don't know if I could have taken more bad news yesterday. So maybe God was protecting me?
ReplyDeleteAlso I thought this cycle was it also so I think it is why it hit me so hard.