My Notes on TTC and Life: Is it Hot in Here?

CAUTION

All writing in this blog is unedited and 100% from what I am feeling at the time. By continuing to read it means that you will take my vents with a grain of salt. You will choose to not take offense. And most of all, if you know me in real life you will either choose to stop reading or keep the knowledge of this blog quiet, and privately allow me to know you are reading. I only share this information with close friends. I do not share this with facebook for a purpose: it is meant to be semi-private. Not "public" knowledge in the sense of the majority of those in real life knowing about it. If you can accept all that has been stated, sit back, grab a box of tissues, and be prepared to endure the rocky road of trying to conceive while trying to get out of the shadows of infertility.

If you have any private questions or concerns you may contact me at mynotesonttc at gmail.com

♥

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Is it Hot in Here?

You guessed it, the hot flashes woke me up at 630. 4 hours after going to sleep.

The joys of Clomid. *sigh*

I am hopeful for an even larger progesterone # this time around. I wasn't on the metformin last cycle when I ovulated, so hopefully being on it this time around will help a bunch (maybe to get a bfp!).

What else woke me up? A dream. I never dream, and this one was weird. Definitely think even my dreams have been taken over by my ttc obssesions.

In my dream, I had just gotten over my period. When I got in a car accident. At the hospital they did blood work and told me, you've probably guessed it, "You're pregnant." So I was hysterical and explained my bleeding, that it wasn't possible. Yada yada yada. Her response, "Many women experience that when they have twins and one is lost." And sure enough, there was a healthy baby.

I'm not kidding I almost peed on a stick to see this morning. I resisted because I knew it would be a waste of money. And a little disheartened to see another bfn.

It also made me realize though, I need to stop getting down about testing early and such. I do it because the sooner I get on my blood thinners the better. And if that is 9dpo or 15dpo it doesn't matter. I will order cheap tests today, because if the excessive testing helps me hold onto a pregnancy...I will continue the heartbreaking sight of many bfn every month. With the hopes of seeing two pink lines of hope.

Jess