Hello Moodswings, Please Say Goodbye.

Seriously tonight I was super irritable. I am trying to quit swearing again and my partner purposely was cussing every other word I swear.

She was on my nerves. Even when not swearing. Even when joking about usual things.

I was on the edge. Hormotional. (Hormonal + Emotional) And then once out of work I now feel like I could cry. Happy but bittersweet.

I think it is because my co-worker said and innocent comment to a resident, he asked if she was pregnant. And she replied, "Nope I am done having babies. Now we are waiting on Jessi."

And I have been wait for me too. But now it is the bittersweat time frame. I would love to get pregnant this month. I would be due in July (?). Middle of the semester. BUT...as I have said before. I truly think waiting to have a baby for 2 more years would be harder on me then having one when in nursing school. And if it gets too tough, I can wait a year and then continue again. Not a big deal to me. Honestly. What is a big deal is craving to be a mommy and God continuously telling me Not this month.

I don't know how I feel half the time. Numb. Bitter. Grieving. Hurt. Broken. I do have to say this, I am slowly coming out of the slimy pit. He is slowly washing me clean. And I feel a song starting to stir in my soul. One of hope and love and courage to continue on.

But there are still echoes of sadness, anger, and frustration. There are still parts that need to be purified.

I am going to try to focus on one intentional thing at a time. And work on being more thankful. AND make time to read at least a chapter in the Bible.

Intentional Living : Quit sweating. Will be an ongoing goal. But I will get there with my "Holy Toots!N And other little phrases.

Thankful Thoughts: I am thankful for clean water, and ice. Yum.

Reading? Lately, and probably for awhile yet! I have been reading in Isaiah. There have been some verses that stand out to me. I don't know it for sure...but something along the lines of "If you don't have a firm faith, you won't be able to stand firm" I will find it. Because it stopped me in my tracks.

I will be better. I am getting there. Diamonds aren't formed over night, and neither will my true beauty in Christ.